Valentines Day

[CusworthRovers]

Mr Romantic here will once again be pulling out all the stops tomorrow. Let's just say I've booked a table for me and Mrs Cussy. I just hope she does better than last year though, she only managed to pot one red.

[eastender]

My wife says that she wants to do something romantic on valentine's Day for a change.

She's in luck, nothing says romance like the F.A Cup.

Bolton v Spurs just kicking off,lovely

[Metalmicky]

I got my missus a new bag and a belt.  

The hoover is working fine now.

[jucyberry]

Ahhh Valentines day ..  The day for young lads to pretend to be romantic in the hopes of getting their end away...

Aparently a farmer in Minesota showed his romantic side by manure spreading a huge heart in the snow for his sweetheart...And they say romance doesn't stink...    

[CusworthRovers]

I know there's a few lads on here who would appreciate a couple of tips from the Cussy Catch.

Right for you desperado's out there, try this bad boy that will get into any girls knickers


Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I've got a knife,
Now get in the back of this van

[jucyberry]

You sure you don't know any gay handimen? that's one of Micky's finest..lol

[CusworthRovers]

Speaking of which, think I might chance my luck and try and get in Mrs Cussy's trumper tonight. The signs are looking good. She suffers from dyslexia and she's been telling me all day it's Vaseline Day.

[eastender]

I got in a bit of trouble after my wife asked me where I was taking her on valentine's day...

..Apparently \"up the wrong un\" wasn't the right answer.

[CusworthRovers]

The wife's been at me all week, suggesting Valentines gifts that would make us both happy. She's just told me she wants something round that will make our lives perfect.

Anybody on here can tell me how to make a noose?

[jucyberry]

Bet I can beat all of you for creativity when it comes to Valentines gifts.....
My then fella, who I'd been full on dating for over a year getting a visit from it turns out not as ex girlfriend as I thought..Being told to hide in the bedroom whilst he found out what she wanted and being instructed to let myself out while they went for a walk.. Finding out later that they had never gotten to the truly ex stage and that as she was minted and he was a cash whore and easily bought, our relationship was over because he was offered a trip to Thailand , somewhere he really wanted to go, and that it didn't matter what I said, but he was going...To add insult to injury she was in her very late sixties..He called her his charity fcuk..

[jucyberry]

Last I heard he was living in Phuket and chasing ladyboys......lmao..

[Pintolager]

I always used to think that Phuket was pronounced as fu ck it - quite apt for Thailand!!

[eastender]

CusworthRovers wrote:

The wife's been at me all week, suggesting Valentines gifts that would make us both happy. She's just told me she wants something round that will make our lives perfect.

I've got the perfect gift for you next year ...Rohypnol and Viagra  

[BillyStubbsTears]

No idea where this 14th Feb thing came from as the day for the fun-sized Mars Bar to be offered as a gift to the lass of your dreams. They're three months out.

In Bronze Age Britain, they had the right idea. If you're going to give birth in a rough world, the best thing you can do is to have the wee un around now. The worst of the winter is over and by the time the snows come again, the bairn will have put some fat on and have a chance of surviving.

The Ancient Elders knew this. So they used to hold massive orgies around the start of May. Got all the lads and lasses from 50 miles around to turn up at a sacred spot, drink mead and eat dodgy berries, then fornicate for a week. That, and the improving weather (which means you can get a semi on without risk of frostbite) is where the origins of the May Day festivities are.

These days, the \"Ancient Elders\" are the landlords, the \"Sacred Spot\" is Hallgate in Donny and the the \"Start of May\" is every weekend of the year. But the principle still holds.

[CusworthRovers]

jucyberry wrote:

...To add insult to injury she was in her very late sixties..He called her his charity fcuk..

Think of it like this sweet cheeks. You'll not be the first, nor the last, where the fella has left his partner for a younger model.  

[jucyberry]

You cheeky barsteward!!!  

I would definately kick the legs out from under your chair for that one...Sniff!