All Rounder

[CusworthRovers]

What do you reckon to this joke. I believe it would be a good family/after dinner/non confrontational type of joke.

The title of this gag is 'Your duck is dead'.....allow me to explain.

I took our duck (who we called Quackers by the way) to the vets yesterday. The vet laid it on the table and listened to it's chest with his stethoscope. The vet looked at me and with a sorry face shook his head

Vet...'Im afraid Quackers has passed away sir'
CR...'Are you sure?'.
Vet...'Yes I'm sure, your duck is dead. I'm sorry'.
CR....'But surely you should do more tests. He might just be in shock or a coma. There's got to be other tests'

The vet rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders before walking out of the room leaving me alone with Quackers. In a short time the vet returned with a black Labrador. I stood there amazed as the Labrador stood on his hind legs and sniffed Quackers from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with big sad eyes and shook his head. 'Your Duck is dead' said the vet. He patted the Labrador on the head and took him out of the room. A short time later he walked in holding a cat. The cat jumped on the table and began sniffing Quackers all over for a good 3 minutes. The Cat sat back on it's haunches, shook his head, meowed softly before walking out of the room.

The Vet said 'I'm sorry but your duck is a 100% certifiable dead duck'. He then sat down at his computer and tapped a few keys before printing a bill and handing it to me.

CR...'£340 for telling me my duck is dead, that's outrageous' I shouted.
Vet...'I'm sorry sir, but if you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have only been £40. However with the Lab report and the Cat scan, it's now £340.

[bobjimwilly]

oh dear, taxi for Cussy?

[CusworthRovers]

Ooooh you little tinker. You're a hard one to please. I thought that was pretty tame and a nice amicable gag. I think you go for the more risqueeee type. How's about this little wheeze.

For a cheap thrill, try emptying a bag of Maltesers on the floor at a Weight-watchers meeting for a life size game of Hungry Hippo's

[Superspy]

For a cheap thrill, try emptying a bag of Maltesers on the floor at a Weight-watchers meeting for a life size game of Hungry Hippo's

sorry cussy, but that had me laughing so much harder than the dead duck.

[CusworthRovers]

My dead duck gag is going down like the 'out for a duck, duck' on Aussie cricket. How about a few quick hits?

I've been knocking a Mermaid off for the last 2 months. I call her my bit on the tide.

I woke up dressed in a clowns outfit this morning. Think I must have slept funny.

[jucyberry]

It's alright sweetie, you just need to get your groove back...All this time away has left you feeling rusty in the funny department thats all..

I liked the duck joke..


Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing and w**king off infront of a tractor..

Mick says, 'f**king hell paddy , what ya doing?'

Paddy says,  

'Well, me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended I do something to attractor'.....

[Sandy Lane]

What do you reckon to this joke. I believe it would be a good family/after dinner/non confrontational type of joke.

The title of this gag is 'Your duck is dead'.....allow me to explain.

I took our duck (who we called Quackers by the way) to the vets yesterday. The vet laid it on the table and listened to it's chest with his stethoscope. The vet looked at me and with a sorry face shook his head

Vet...'Im afraid Quackers has passed away sir'
CR...'Are you sure?'.
Vet...'Yes I'm sure, your duck is dead. I'm sorry'.
CR....'But surely you should do more tests. He might just be in shock or a coma. There's got to be other tests'

The vet rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders before walking out of the room leaving me alone with Quackers. In a short time the vet returned with a black Labrador. I stood there amazed as the Labrador stood on his hind legs and sniffed Quackers from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with big sad eyes and shook his head. 'Your Duck is dead' said the vet. He patted the Labrador on the head and took him out of the room. A short time later he walked in holding a cat. The cat jumped on the table and began sniffing Quackers all over for a good 3 minutes. The Cat sat back on it's haunches, shook his head, meowed softly before walking out of the room.

The Vet said 'I'm sorry but your duck is a 100% certifiable dead duck'. He then sat down at his computer and tapped a few keys before printing a bill and handing it to me.

CR...'£340 for telling me my duck is dead, that's outrageous' I shouted.
Vet...'I'm sorry sir, but if you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have only been £40. However with the Lab report and the Cat scan, it's now £340.

Lol !!

[Donnywolf]

What do you reckon to this joke. I believe it would be a good family/after dinner/non confrontational type of joke.

The title of this gag is 'Your duck is dead'.....allow me to explain.

I took our duck (who we called Quackers by the way) to the vets yesterday. The vet laid it on the table and listened to it's chest with his stethoscope. The vet looked at me and with a sorry face shook his head

Vet...'Im afraid Quackers has passed away sir'
CR...'Are you sure?'.
Vet...'Yes I'm sure, your duck is dead. I'm sorry'.
CR....'But surely you should do more tests. He might just be in shock or a coma. There's got to be other tests'

The vet rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders before walking out of the room leaving me alone with Quackers. In a short time the vet returned with a black Labrador. I stood there amazed as the Labrador stood on his hind legs and sniffed Quackers from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with big sad eyes and shook his head. 'Your Duck is dead' said the vet. He patted the Labrador on the head and took him out of the room. A short time later he walked in holding a cat. The cat jumped on the table and began sniffing Quackers all over for a good 3 minutes. The Cat sat back on it's haunches, shook his head, meowed softly before walking out of the room.

The Vet said 'I'm sorry but your duck is a 100% certifiable dead duck'. He then sat down at his computer and tapped a few keys before printing a bill and handing it to me.

CR...'£340 for telling me my duck is dead, that's outrageous' I shouted.
Vet...'I'm sorry sir, but if you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have only been £40. However with the Lab report and the Cat scan, it's now £340.

Eider n idea Ide like that one !

[RedJ]

There's some quality stuff on here

[CusworthRovers]

Latest News:

A Scientist has invented a rigid bra that can finally stop tits bouncing up and down and even hide erect nipples in cold weather. His work colleagues have kicked his head in.

[RedJ]

!!