Author Topic: Tim Vine Jokes (Read 25627 times)

Colin C No.3 · « **Reply #270 on** February 03, 2024, 11:32:41 pm by Colin C No.3 »

Quote from: SydneyRover on February 03, 2024, 11:28:41 pm

That's much better, not funny but not offensive either aye?

Sydney, have you ever been at sea or spent time amongst sailors?

« **Reply #270 on:** February 03, 2024, 11:32:41 pm »

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SydneyRover · « **Reply #271 on** February 03, 2024, 11:37:13 pm by SydneyRover »

Just say if you want to join the little schoolboys club club for puerile humour I'm almost certain they would want you, I'm afraid they don't have the smarts to share their 'jokes' by pm aye?

Bentley Bullet · « **Reply #272 on** February 03, 2024, 11:52:07 pm by Bentley Bullet »

For want of a more moderate analogy, this thread has just got cancer.

Colin C No.3 · « **Reply #273 on** February 03, 2024, 11:53:16 pm by Colin C No.3 »

Sydney, what would win in a fight between a Joey with boxing gloves on or a koala bear?

SydneyRover · « **Reply #274 on** February 04, 2024, 12:27:52 am by SydneyRover »

This is much better than your fascination of all things rolf harris, sport.

Bentley Bullet · « **Reply #275 on** February 04, 2024, 07:08:39 pm by Bentley Bullet »

When I was just a little boy, I asked my mother what would I be, will I be handsome, will I be rich? Here's what she said to me....

No!

Donnywolf · « **Reply #276 on** February 05, 2024, 08:08:48 am by Donnywolf »

A nose went into a Pub and ordered a Pint

Can't serve you said Landlord " you're off you face "

Not Now Kato · « **Reply #277 on** February 05, 2024, 12:02:24 pm by Not Now Kato »

My wife recons I'm gullible and financially irresponsible. Just wait till she hears I've won the Nigerian lottery.

Colin C No.3 · « **Reply #278 on** February 09, 2024, 12:06:10 am by Colin C No.3 »

All my family were police marksmen apart from my grandad who was a burglar. He died surrounded by all his family.

Bentley Bullet · « **Reply #279 on** February 09, 2024, 04:57:18 pm by Bentley Bullet »

I've just made a ventriloquist dummy out of some old carpet.

It's ruggish.

scawsby steve · « **Reply #280 on** February 09, 2024, 05:51:06 pm by scawsby steve »

Quote from: Bentley Bullet on February 09, 2024, 04:57:18 pm

I've just made a ventriloquist dummy out of some old carpet.

It's ruggish.

I gloody well laughed at that.

Not Now Kato · « **Reply #281 on** February 09, 2024, 11:11:17 pm by Not Now Kato »

l've just found out l have been awarded a Guinness World Record for putting the most amount of clothes on a washing line.

That was a lot to take in.

ravenrover · « **Reply #282 on** February 10, 2024, 09:29:32 am by ravenrover »

A fervant Catholic lady had 8 children with her 1st husband After he died she had 19 more with her 2nd husband, at her funeral the Priest said At last they are together, at which point one of her children asked which husband?
The Priest replied neither, just her legs

Colin C No.3 · « **Reply #283 on** February 10, 2024, 11:25:53 am by Colin C No.3 »

Two old men sat in deckchairs. One turns to the other & says “It’s nice out isn’t it?”. The other one says “Yes it is. I think I’ll take mine out”.

Not Now Kato · « **Reply #284 on** February 10, 2024, 12:15:02 pm by Not Now Kato »

My late uncle always said:

"The first rule of Theatre is to always leave them wanting more."

Great bloke, terrible anaesthetist.

welloffside · « **Reply #285 on** February 12, 2024, 06:39:31 pm by welloffside »

A Man goes into a hardware shop" Bottle of meths please"
"No, sorry" replies the assistant. "I know you, you'll drink it"

"Well that's where you're wrong" he replied, "I've turned my life around, I'm a French Polisher now"

" I am so,so, sorry" replies the assistant "well done, have this with my compliments"

The man picks it up, thanks him, and asks "You haven't got a cold one have you?"

Donnywolf · « **Reply #286 on** February 12, 2024, 08:47:56 pm by Donnywolf »

Just been to Qatar and local Sheik offered me 40 Camels for Mrs DW

I usually smoke Marlborough but it was still too good a deal to "pass up"

BahrainRover · « **Reply #287 on** February 13, 2024, 01:48:24 am by BahrainRover »

Quote from: Donnywolf on February 12, 2024, 08:47:56 pm

Just been to Qatar and local Sheik offered me 40 Camels for Mrs DW

I usually smoke Marlborough but it was still too good a deal to "pass up"

Did she get the hump over it DW?

Donnywolf · « **Reply #288 on** February 13, 2024, 07:22:41 am by Donnywolf »

Yes I had to call on the Consulate to mitigate

( whatever happened to them )

Bentley Bullet · « **Reply #289 on** February 13, 2024, 08:18:02 am by Bentley Bullet »

Quote from: Donnywolf on February 13, 2024, 07:22:41 am

Yes I had to call on the Consulate to mitigate

( whatever happened to them )

They went to the Embassy.

ravenrover · « **Reply #290 on** February 13, 2024, 08:55:02 am by ravenrover »

Is that the one on Park Drive?

drfchound · « **Reply #291 on** February 13, 2024, 08:58:45 am by drfchound »

Some of these posts need filtering.

TonySoprano · « **Reply #292 on** February 13, 2024, 10:45:59 am by TonySoprano »

How do you circumcise a rotherham fan ?
Kick his sister in the jaw

ravenrover · « **Reply #293 on** February 13, 2024, 01:31:59 pm by ravenrover »

My interpretation of drink responsibly....... don't spill any!

Iberian Red · « **Reply #294 on** February 13, 2024, 01:35:37 pm by Iberian Red »

Quote from: TonySoprano on February 13, 2024, 10:45:59 am

How do you circumcise a rotherham fan ?
Kick his sister in the jaw

How can you tell a virgin in Barnsley?

She can run faster than her brother

ravenrover · « **Reply #295 on** February 13, 2024, 02:53:44 pm by ravenrover »

I had my patience tested, it was negative

Colin C No.3 · « **Reply #296 on** February 14, 2024, 05:36:53 pm by Colin C No.3 »

Quote from: Donnywolf on February 13, 2024, 07:22:41 am

Yes I had to call on the Consulate to mitigate

( whatever happened to them )

‘Cool as a mountain stream’.

Are we getting old wolf?

Colin C No.3 · « **Reply #297 on** February 15, 2024, 11:47:36 pm by Colin C No.3 »

Twerking is what a Yorkshireman does to earn t’wages.

Not Now Kato · « **Reply #298 on** February 20, 2024, 08:25:17 am by Not Now Kato »

Two helium atoms walk into a bar. He He

scawsby steve · « **Reply #299 on** February 21, 2024, 01:29:15 am by scawsby steve »

Why did the butterfly flutter by?

Because the caterpillar flashed his pillock at her.

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Author Topic: Tim Vine Jokes (Read 25627 times)