Need a laugh? joke

[jucyberry]

A couple found that the only way to pull off a weekend 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the house was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on what was happening.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
'There's a car being towed from the parking bay,' he shouted.
'An ambulance just drove by!'
'Looks like the Anderson's have company,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skate board!'
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are shagging!!'
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out,
'How do you know they're shagging?'




















 
'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar.'

[Thinwhiteduke]

My Mother in law so fat....





....when she fell down the stairs i thought Eastenders was ending.

[muff licker]

Paddy & Murphy are on a cruiseliner, Paddy says to Murphy 'Its really quiet tonight aint it mate', Murphy says 'I bet everyone has gone to watch the band'.........'Watch the band, there is no band you idiot' says Paddy........''That's strange i could have sworn earlier i heard them say Abandon Ship over the tannoy'!!....

[CusworthRovers]

It that the same 2 I saw a few months ago outside the Gaumont. There was a sign on the door 'Closed Forever'. They had been queueing behind the sign for 3 days wanting to be the first to see it.

[Mike_F]

These two lads have been busy recently.

I saw them in town last week looking at a sign in a shop window that read: \"Suits £12, Jackets £8, Shirts 75p\". Paddy turned to Murphy and said \" That's a right bargain, we'll go in and buy a load to sell on for a profit at the market. Don't let on that we're Irish though else they might not take us seriously.\"

They walked into the shop and Murphy in his best Yorkshire accent said \"We'd like to buy your entire stock please.\" The fella behind the counter replied \"You're Irish aren't you?\" Paddy asked \"How did you know that?\" To which the bloke replied \"'Cause this is a f**king dry cleaner's.\"

[CusworthRovers]

The same guy drags a huge box from the attic and off he heads to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin.

'Where did you get that'?, said the expert
'It's been in the loft for 30 years, I'm told it's a heirloom' said Paddy
'Do you have insurance?' asked the expert
'No, should I?' said an excited Paddy
'Most certainly, it's the water tank' said the expert

[jucyberry]

BEST 'HEADACHE' JOKE EVER:


A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, 'I have a headache.' 'Perfect,' her husband said,' I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally, or as a Suppository - it's up to you.'