Viking Supporters Co-operative
Viking Chat => Off Topic => Topic started by: RobTheRover on September 03, 2015, 12:35:28 pm
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Why do dogs wipe their feet after a dump?
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Why do dogs wipe their feet after a dump?
Because they struggle to wipe their arse :)
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What did cats shit in before there were litter trays?
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Why do McDonalds sell a Big Mac and not a Big Mc?
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What would happen if you put a chameleon on a mirror? KP.
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Why do Rovers always start the season with a thin squad? Oh, hang on... ;)
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Who cleans up guide dogs' shit!?
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If a plumber works Bank Holiday does he get paid Time an a turd?
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How come bottled water cost more than milk?
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Who cleans up guide dogs' shit!?
Guide dogs are trained to go in the same place in the garden. The blind person cleans it up.
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One answered! Not bad, so far.
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Is Copps is Magic scared of dogs?
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Is Curtis Main a footballer? :scarf:
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Before the invention of the Drawing Board where did we used to go back to ?
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What was the best thing before sliced bread?
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What did cats shit in before there were litter trays?
easy that one, the neighbour's garden!
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When did anyone on here last buy a Hot Cake ??? (no anti Centreplate jokes please !!!)
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Is Curtis Main a footballer? :scarf:
Just for RTR ... YES and he has the Pay packets to prove it !
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What did cats shit in before there were litter trays?
easy that one, the neighbour's garden!
2 solved.
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Why don't Selfridges sell fridges?
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Was "Annie" actually OK?
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What would happen if you put a chameleon on a mirror? KP.
Depends if it changes mood when you do it. That's why it changes colour, not the myth that it does so to blend in with its background.
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Was "Annie" actually OK?
She was. Michael wasnt like other guys.
3 solved.
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When did swamps become wetlands ? And when did slippery roads become black ice?
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Why does BBC Radio Sheffield late morning, over 70s radio chat show presenter Rony Robinson persist with pop hits from the likes of Luther Vandross and T'Pau, when clearly his audience would prefer to hear Acker Bilk and Harry Belafonte?
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When a small child draws a picture, there is a green strip at the bottom that is grass, and a blue strip at the top that is the "sky". What is the space in between?
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When a small child draws a picture, there is a green strip at the bottom that is grass, and a blue strip at the top that is the "sky". What is the space in between?
Air. Another answered
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Horizon?
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Before the invention of the Drawing Board where did we used to go back to ?
The tablet i should think.
Thinking about it, that one has probably kind of gone full circle now.
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Who actually was it, that left "MacArthur ParK" out in the rain?
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Why don't Binns sell bins?
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Why are turkeys called turkeys?
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Why don't British Home Stores do mortgages?
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Why don't British Home Stores do mortgages?
And why do Boots not sell Boots?
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When did a shower area become a F***ing wet room? :headbang:
Why did Radio Hallam stop covering football on the radio, and play crap tunes instead? ?
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In Rugby Union there is a London Welsh London Scottish and London Irish but is there :
a London English and are there
any Edinburgh Cardiff or Dublin English(es) ?
(BTW Tremendous game at Knights yesterday going down 33-35 to one of the above)
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Where is Haverfordeast?
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Why do airlines supply a lifebelt instead of a parachute?
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I've no idea really, but f you crash on land, little chance of survival, if you crash at sea, chance of survival and a lifebelt. I assume parachuting over sea with loads of passengers and no life belts would also lead to drownings etc and little knowledge of how scattered the survivors are. I assume there are no parachutes because there would not be enough time to kit everyone out and get them out of the plane.
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Why don't they put one gigantic parachute on top of the plane?
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Why do people ask questions that are never answered?
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Who actually was it, that left "MacArthur ParK" out in the rain?
Someone left the cake out in the rain.
McArthur Park was melting in the dark.
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Error.....
Bob
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Why don't they put one gigantic parachute on top of the plane?
Someteimes they do BB!! Really. There was an incident down here sometime in the last 12 months where a small plane got into some reight difficulty with its engine. So the pilot banged on the button, out popped the parachute and down the plane came. It ended up in some bloke's back garden!
True story.
Does that count as another one answered?
BobG
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Yet another one of my ideas that someone has beat me to the patent! :crying:
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Why did the "Personel" dept become "Human Resources"?
While we are at it, what would football managers step up to, if they didn't have a plate to do the job?
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I can answer the first question. The 'Personnel' dept often consisted of one person who used to act as mediator between management and shop floor workers, representing the rights of the latter and standing for fair play.
The 'Human Resources' dept consists of about 10% of the white collar staff and acts entirely for the management, explaining the management's rights, and the shop floors lack of them.
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When did Oil of Ulay become Oil of Olay, and did anyone notice?
Did they get bought out by a Spanish company? :chair:
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When did Oil of Ulay become Oil of Olay, and did anyone notice?
Did they get bought out by a Spanish company? :chair:
Yes - I noticed. It was around the time Jif became CIF !
And NO
2 Answered in one go !
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Spanish company, Olay?
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Spanish company, Olay?
Aye I missed it first time round !
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Why do northerly winds blow from north to south but if I drive in a northerly direction I'm going from south to north?
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Why do you travel UP north and DOWN south, unless you're on a train, in which case you travel DOWN north and UP south?
(This is a question that I already know the answer to)
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I've never heard that said about trains, but (straying slightly here) my older brother, who has lived in London for some years, now says "I'm going back down to Doncaster this weekend. Really grinds my gears - me and my other brother still go back up to Doncaster and will continue to do so!
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I've never heard that said about trains, but (straying slightly here) my older brother, who has lived in London for some years, now says "I'm going back down to Doncaster this weekend. Really grinds my gears - me and my other brother still go back up to Doncaster and will continue to do so!
You always go up to the capital.
Solved.
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Why, no matter what colour food you eat, is poo always brown?
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Why, no matter what colour food you eat, is poo always brown?
Unless you're a dog, of course!
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Why, no matter what colour food you eat, is poo always brown?
Unless you're a dog, of course!
I'ts a long long time since I last saw white dog poo. They must have had a very differet diet back when I was a lad. :P
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It's bones. Dogs dont live off scraps any more and bones are disappearing from their diet. If I give my dog a big bone we get a white "present" left for us the next day.
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Why, no matter what colour food you eat, is poo always brown?
It's because of the iron from the old red blood corpuscles that have been broken down and replaced. The iron has mixed with oxygen in the body before being excreted.
in effect, your turds are rusty.
True.
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Why, no matter what colour food you eat, is poo always brown?
It's because of the iron from the old red blood corpuscles that have been broken down and replaced. The iron has mixed with oxygen in the body before being excreted.
in effect, your turds are rusty.
True.
I had a cracking ruby last night, but am suffering today. Not so much rusty, more like shitting nails!
Sorry for sharing that :chair:
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Why do we drink beer in pints? Just a general one I wondered.
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Why do we drink beer in pints? Just a general one I wondered.
Because if we drank halves we'd be called girls.
Solved.
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Why do we drink beer in pints? Just a general one I wondered.
You'd look a bit silly drinking beer out of a spirit glass!
Beer is a long drink and needs to be drunk in a reasonable quantity.
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Like a gallon or two
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Fork lift trucks have rear wheel steering to enable better manoeuvring. Why aren't cars made the same?
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Fork lift trucks have rear wheel steering to enable better manoeuvring. Why aren't cars made the same?
Because Women would never be able to drive
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I didn't know they could drive Filo!
BobG - ducking extremely quickly! Sorry girls. It's just too good an opportunity fora giggle.
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Why is the Moon sometimes like the size of a tennis ball, and other times the size of a great big beach ball?
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Because I'm inside your head!!!!
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Why is the Moon sometimes like the size of a tennis ball, and other times the size of a great big beach ball?
I think it depends on how close it is to the Earth. The moon's orbit is elliptical, rather than circular.
Last Sunday I saw it while driving home and it was huge.
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Perigee-apogee does have an effect but it's only the odd few percent. The big apparent differences are more about the position of the moon in the sky. When the moon is close to the horizon, you have familiar objects to compare its size to. And generally, your brain sees the moon as relatively large. When it's high in the sky, there is no frame of reference and your brain interprets it as being relatively small.
Have a look next time you see the moon high up in the sky. It never looks as big as it does near the horizon, but the actual size on any given night is effectively constant v
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Isn't it affected by the fact that close to the horizon the magnifying effect of the atmosphere is greater?
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https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon_illusion
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Why do we drink beer in pints? Just a general one I wondered.
Because if we drank halves we'd be called girls.
Solved.
So what are females called in Barnsley - they all drink from pint glasses
Oh I think I know answer to that
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Why do we call someone "late" when they've died?
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Why have people begun saying 'Right from the get-go' when it's easier to say 'Right from the start.'
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Why do we call someone "late" when they've died?
IIRC they're not "late" until their funeral has taken place. Without googling I'm going to take a stab at it being derived from "laid to rest".
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Why are politicians referred to as "The Honourable..." or "The Right Honourable.." when they clearly are often far from honourable?
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Why are politicians referred to as "The Honourable..." or "The Right Honourable.." when they clearly are often far from honourable?
Rightly or wrongly MPs are considered "Honourable" until proven otherwise. Right Honourable means that they are a member of Her Majesty' Privy Council. It recently came up in reference to Jeremy Corbyn, who is now eligible for membership, and whether he would swear the oath of loyalty.
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I think I'd be pretty good at swearing an oath of loyalty. I'd probably have to think which of the many suitable words I'd want to use though. I think four letter ones often sound the best don't you?
BobG