Viking Supporters Co-operative
Viking Chat => Off Topic => Topic started by: Donnywolf on October 10, 2018, 04:37:30 pm
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Just found I am allergic to Maggots when fishing so a mate said use Liquorice instead
I did and caught allsorts
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I bought a dog of a blacksmith yesterday... as soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
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Somebody has been trying to ruin my allotment by pouring gravy all over it.
No idea who it is but the plot thickens.
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My hoss was about to win the Leger when some git started throwing Pork Pies - Cocktail Sausages - and Pasties and Crisps at him
He lost - and the Racing Post reported he had been badly Hampered in the Final Furlong
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Our lass confessed to me that she used to have a crush on a couple of 80's kids TV presenters, but refused to say who they were. She said she met them once and soon realised they weren't as nice in real life as on telly. She said one of them just wanted straight sex, but the other one was even worse saying he'd got a dungeon at home.
She went barmy when I asked her if she preferred Dick or Dom.
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There once was a man called McClean
Who tried to fart "God save the Queen"
When he came to "Victorious"
"Happy and Glorious"
His arse wasn't fit to be seen
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I've got a book coming out later today
Shouldn't have eaten it really
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There once was a man called McClean
Who tried to fart "God save the Queen"
When he came to "Victorious"
"Happy and Glorious"
His arse wasn't fit to be seen
An Entrepeneur from Australia
Once painted his a**e like a Dahlia
Threepence a smell went very well
but Sixpence a lick was a failure
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In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his Madam,
And great was his mirth,
For on all Planet Earth,
There were only two balls, and he 'ad 'em.
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There once was a farmer from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
It soon came to pass
With his ass covered in grass
But he now has all the tomatoes he needs
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I sat with The Vicar at Tea
He said "do you F**t when you Pee"
I said "NO not a bit "
Do you belch when you s**t
and I thought that was one up to me !
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Our lass asked me to pass her lipstick the other day but I passed her the glue stick by mistake. She's still not talking to me.
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Teacher: - Can you name six things with milk in them?
Little Johnny: - Cheese, Yoghurt, Cream, and Three Cows.
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Just heard JK Rowling talk about the 20 year anniversary of Harry Potter.
I don’t think anyone has milked a small wizard this much since Debbie McGee.
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I just sold my homing pigeon on EBay again.
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It’s the French "flicking a ruler on the edge of a desk" final this weekend.
It's held annually in the Dordogneoigneoigneoigneoigne
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I went up to Miss Barnsley 2018 and asked her if she'd sleep with me for £100. She said "of course not".
I said "that's a pity, I could do with the money".
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Cost of tonight's Chinese takeaway for two? £12.50
Fuel to drive to and from the takeaway? £1.75
That feeling when you realise that part of the order is missing when you get home?
Riceless.
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(https://i.imgur.com/ht84XfK.jpg)
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Scum of the earth......