RIP Barry Cryer

[River Don]

A parrot swore a lot and annoyed his owner, and the owner said 'Are you going to behave yourself?' and the parrot said 'Why don't you f**k off?

So he said, 'That's it', because a friend had recommended that if he put the parrot in the fridge for five minutes it would get the message. So he put the parrot in the fridge for five minutes, took it out and said, 'You going to behave yourself?' The parrot said 'Oh, alright'. And the parrot looked back in the fridge and said, 'What did that chicken do?'

[i_ateallthepies]

'Ayes to the right,  Nos to the left... Oh what a beautiful baby.

[River Don]

Heard about the bipolar bear?

When he's depressed he's grizzly but otherwise he's all white.

[belton rover]

A woman purchases a parrot for only £5.

“Well, I must confess, it was brought up in a brothel,” says the shopkeeper. “And, to put it politely, it has quite an extensive vocabulary.”

“Never mind,” says the woman. “At that price, I’ll take it.”

So she takes the parrot home, puts its cage in the living room and takes the cover off.

“New place – very nice,” says the parrot.

Then the woman’s two daughters walk in.

“New place, new girls – very nice,” says the parrot.

Then the woman’s husband walks in, and the parrot says, “Oh hello, Keith!”

[River Don]

You know when someone passes away and it makes you just stop and think? I know a few people on here felt like that about Meatloaf, well for me this is one of those times.

It struck me how Barry has been making me laugh all my life, it's been an extraordinary long career. He was never really the main event but you would never turn him off, and very often he was writing gags for others. And he was genuinely very funny, I think now you could rank him alongside Ken Dodd as a true British comedy legend.

[BillyStubbsTears]

He was brilliant. A sad loss.

Just heard him on the radio singing Anarchy in the UK to the tune of Singing in the Rain.

[BillyStubbsTears]

I'm thinking of entering myself in Britain's Got Talent.

It's a neat trick if you can do it.

[belton rover]

You know when someone passes away and it makes you just stop and think? I know a few people on here felt like that about Meatloaf, well for me this is one of those times.

It struck me how Barry has been making me laugh all my life, it's been an extraordinary long career. He was never really the main event but you would never turn him off, and very often he was writing gags for others. And he was genuinely very funny, I think now you could rank him alongside Ken Dodd as a true British comedy legend.

And an absolutely thoroughly nice bloke.

[Glyn_Wigley]

A parrot swore a lot and annoyed his owner, and the owner said 'Are you going to behave yourself?' and the parrot said 'Why don't you f**k off?

So he said, 'That's it', because a friend had recommended that if he put the parrot in the fridge for five minutes it would get the message. So he put the parrot in the fridge for five minutes, took it out and said, 'You going to behave yourself?' The parrot said 'Oh, alright'. And the parrot looked back in the fridge and said, 'What did that chicken do?'

He had a better parrot joke that was used as a warm-up for a recording of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue....

A woman wanted a parrot so she went to the local pet shop. They had a parrot for sale for twenty quid. She asked why the parrot was so cheap, and the shopkeeper said it was because it used to live in the local brothel. The woman thought, well a bargain's a bargain so she bought the parrot.

When she got the parrot home, she uncovered the cage and the parrot immediately started talking..."Oooh, this place is nice, it's classier than the tasteless decor I used to have to look at in the old place."

The woman was amazed at how good the parrot was at talking, so she called her daughter in to hear it. When the daughter came in, the parrot started off again...."Oooh, this piece of skirt's better than the wrinkly old bints I had to look in the old place."

The woman then shouted her husband to come and listen to the parrot. When he entered the room, the parrot started talking yet again..."Hello Keith."

[belton rover]

A parrot swore a lot and annoyed his owner, and the owner said 'Are you going to behave yourself?' and the parrot said 'Why don't you f**k off?

So he said, 'That's it', because a friend had recommended that if he put the parrot in the fridge for five minutes it would get the message. So he put the parrot in the fridge for five minutes, took it out and said, 'You going to behave yourself?' The parrot said 'Oh, alright'. And the parrot looked back in the fridge and said, 'What did that chicken do?'

He had a better parrot joke that was used as a warm-up for a recording of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue....

A woman wanted a parrot so she went to the local pet shop. They had a parrot for sale for twenty quid. She asked why the parrot was so cheap, and the shopkeeper said it was because it used to live in the local brothel. The woman thought, well a bargain's a bargain so she bought the parrot.

When she got the parrot home, she uncovered the cage and the parrot immediately started talking..."Oooh, this place is nice, it's classier than the tasteless decor I used to have to look at in the old place."

The woman was amazed at how good the parrot was at talking, so she called her daughter in to hear it. When the daughter came in, the parrot started off again...."Oooh, this piece of skirt's better than the wrinkly old bints I had to look in the old place."

The woman then shouted her husband to come and listen to the parrot. When he entered the room, the parrot started talking yet again..."Hello Keith."

Not as funny as reply No. 3, Glyn.

[wilts rover]

A bloke was driving down a country lane when he ran over .a cockerel that suddenly came out infront of the car.

He stopped and knocked on the door of the farm where the bird had run out from.

'I'm sorry but I believe I have just killed your cockrel. I insist on replacing it'.

The farmer looked bemused.

'Well if that's what you want. The hens are round the back'

[Bentley Bullet]

A parrot swore a lot and annoyed his owner, and the owner said 'Are you going to behave yourself?' and the parrot said 'Why don't you f**k off?

So he said, 'That's it', because a friend had recommended that if he put the parrot in the fridge for five minutes it would get the message. So he put the parrot in the fridge for five minutes, took it out and said, 'You going to behave yourself?' The parrot said 'Oh, alright'. And the parrot looked back in the fridge and said, 'What did that chicken do?'

He had a better parrot joke that was used as a warm-up for a recording of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue....

A woman wanted a parrot so she went to the local pet shop. They had a parrot for sale for twenty quid. She asked why the parrot was so cheap, and the shopkeeper said it was because it used to live in the local brothel. The woman thought, well a bargain's a bargain so she bought the parrot.

When she got the parrot home, she uncovered the cage and the parrot immediately started talking..."Oooh, this place is nice, it's classier than the tasteless decor I used to have to look at in the old place."

The woman was amazed at how good the parrot was at talking, so she called her daughter in to hear it. When the daughter came in, the parrot started off again...."Oooh, this piece of skirt's better than the wrinkly old bints I had to look in the old place."

The woman then shouted her husband to come and listen to the parrot. When he entered the room, the parrot started talking yet again..."Hello Keith."

Not as funny as reply No. 3, Glyn.

Looks like we've got our very own parrot!

RIP Barry Cryer, a great comic brain.

[phil old leake]

He was a genius a very funny man

[BillyStubbsTears]

Another one from the Blessed Barry:

A young man sits down on a train opposite an old woman. Once the train is underway the old woman brings a bible out of her bag and starts reading it. But when the train gets into the next station the young man notices that she puts the bible away. And then when the train gets going she brings the bible out and carries on reading.

She repeats this same action over and over again and finally after five or six stops the young man has to ask, 'Excuse me, I've noticed that whenever the train is in a station you put your bible away, but once the train starts up again you bring the bible back out and carry on reading. I have to ask, is there some reason for this?'

To which the old woman replies, 'Why don't you just f**k OFF.'

[turnbull for england]

They've invented a new faster stannah stairlift, it gets you upstairs before you've forgotten why you're going

[River Don]

I'm so old now, I've stopped buying green bananas.

[River Don]

Not a gag but a nice anecdote.

He was booked along with other comics to entertain a large meeting of the humanist society. I know it sounds like a set up for a joke but genuinely, he was the only one who finished his set "goodnight and God bless.

[River Don]

And one more thing I've discovered about Barry.

As a kid he went to study after school at Leeds city library where he met Alan Bennett. Benett went off to Oxford Uni while Barry went to Leeds uni, he dropped out after a year and headed to London to forge a career in comedy.

They remained lifelong friends. Until now I didn't know Barry was a Yorkshireman.

[belton rover]

These may or may not have have been penned by Barry, but certainly come from his best radio show:

Negligent - lingerie for men
Overrate - nine
Plaintiff - an argument with a stewardess

…so many more.