whilst on the subject of jokes..........

[Lytham Rover]

paddy asks mick if he going to get a labrador \"f**k off\" says mick  \" have seen how many labrador owners go blind!!!\"

[Pintolager]

I walked upto a random ginger bloke this morning and asked him \"if you had 7 girls phone numbers in one pocket and 8 girls phone numbers in the other pocket, what would you have?\" He replied \"I would have 15 girls phone numbers\" So I said \"Wrong! you would have someone elses trousers on, you ginger t**t!\"

[Old Popsider]

South African police admit having problems with drug dealer, thieves and sex fiends during the World Cup. They say things should improve when John Terry's family fcuk off home!

Give £2 a month to a hungry African & what do they buy? A trumpet!!

The muslim council has decided to host it's first gay festival this year. They're hoping 'ramaman' will be a huge success.

Bloke fancies a girl in his office but she has a boyfriend. He approaches her anyway & offers £1000 if she'll have sex with him. \"I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up.\" She consults her boyfriend,he tells her to go for it & pick it up real fast, he won't have a chance! An hour later he calls her and asks what's taking so long. \"I can hardly fcuking walk\" she replies \"The bas**rd used pound coins!!\"

[BLIR]

A bloke walks over to an ugly fat bird in a nightclub and tells her he wants to give her one.

\"That's disgusting\" she says, \"I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on earth\".

\"Sorry, you misunderstood\" replies the man \"I don't want to sleep with you, I was giving you a mark out of ten you f**king swamp donkey\"

[Mike_F]

The bird on the Tesco checkout earlier on spurned my advance saying \"I wouldn't agree to sleep with you if we were the last people on Earth.\" I replied \"You wouldn't have to, there'd be nobody around to stop me.\"

[CusworthRovers]

Our lass asked me straight 'Do you know any exercises that will help me lose weight?'. I said just shake your head from side to side, works every time love'. She said 'How often do I do this then?'. I said 'every time you're offered food you fat Kitson'

[Pintolager]

A blonde phones the fire brigade and says her
house is on fire. Fireman asks how do we get there? Blonde replies
helloooo... IN THE f**kING RED TRUCK!!

[CusworthRovers]

I booked myself into DRI last night suffering with premature ejaculation. The doctor says it's touch and go at the moment

[CusworthRovers]

Back at the dentists tomorrow. Our lass said to me the other night 'when you go away on these golfing weekends or lads weekends away, do you ever think about me when you're there'. In hindsight 'Only to stop myself coming too quickly' was perhaps not the right answer.

[CusworthRovers]

I hear Filo was also rushed into DRI last night. Apparently, in some Stainy street game, he'd shoved 7 toy horses up his arse and was unable to get any of them out. Doctors have described him as stable.

[CusworthRovers]

My wife asked me the other night if I'd ever pissed in the shower. I said 'a couple of times, but only accidental like'. She said 'that's disgusting you dirty get, and what do you mean accidentally?'. I said 'sometimes you can't help it when you're having a shit'