Irish petrol station

[Dickie Dido]

A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales.
     So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

    Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
    The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

    If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

    Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close.
    The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'

    A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another
    fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.

    The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
    Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
    You were close, but no free sex this time.'

    As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy,
    'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'

    Paddy replied, 'No it ain't, Mick. It's not rigged at all.
    My wife won twice last week!

[donnievic]

One i heard was same apart from his mate Mck asked if he could have ago aswell and The proprietor said yeah course you can and he guessed 5 and The proprietor said i told you once it was 3

[CusworthRovers]

What have a Fat Bird and a moped got in common?

They are both fun to ride until some f**ker sees you on one.




A Fat Bird in a bar stands up in the middle of the pub and shouts out 'alright you bas**rds, if any of you lot can guess my weight I'll let you shag me' One bloke in the corner shouts '198 stone you fat ugly cow'. She replies 'ooooh, you're close enough you lucky bas**rd'




What's the basic difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a Superhero and the other is a direct order.  




Me and Mrs CR went to see the marriage guidance councillor. A bag of shit if you asked me. Anyway this gimp asked me if I knew what my wife's favourite flower was. I thought yes, gotcha now you grovelling shit. I took our lasses hands into mine and looked lovingly into her eyes and replied 'it's homepride isn't it sweetheart?'

[DonnyNoel]

Someone stole a pair of the wifes knickers off the line yesterday. They can keep them for all I care but I could do with the 28 clothes pegs back....