So I went to the church

[BillyStubbsTears]

And I said to the vicar: "I've heard the campanology group practice here. Which end of the church do they meet?"

"Over there," he said. "Bell end."

"I only asked, d**khead," I replied.

[Dagenham Rover]

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all on his own.

He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, a stunning young blonde lady came out of the apartment
next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman
and she started up a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had
nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's
go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned
against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him,

'What would you say is my best feature?'

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded...and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears?!?!?' Look at these breasts;

they are a full 39 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my ass is

firm and solid. I have a 24 inch waist!!

Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that

the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered ....'Outside...when you said you...heard

someone coming....that was me!!'

[Donnywolf]

And I said to the vicar: "I've heard the campanology group practice here. Which end of the church do they meet?"

"Over there," he said. "Bell end."

"I only asked, d**khead," I replied.

[attachment deleted by cleanup process]

[Donnywolf]

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all on his own.

He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, a stunning young blonde lady came out of the apartment
next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman
and she started up a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had
nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's
go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned
against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him,

'What would you say is my best feature?'

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded...and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears?!?!?' Look at these breasts;

they are a full 39 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my ass is

firm and solid. I have a 24 inch waist!!

Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that

the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered ....'Outside...when you said you...heard

someone coming....that was me!!'

[attachment deleted by cleanup process]

[CusworthRovers]

Speaking of marks out of ten.............

I used to see a German girl when I was studying back in the day. She used to give me marks out of ten after every sex session we had. I once put it up her wrong un and she shouted out Nein, Nein................that happened to be my best mark with that fraulein

[ravenrover]

So a  lady visits her local tattoo parlour,
"I'd like 2 tattoos please"
Certainly Madam what had you in mind?"
"Well I'd like Christmas on the front of right thigh and New Year on the front of my left thigh"
"I've never had that one before is there any particular reason why?"
"Yes, I'm fed up of my husband saying every year that there's never anything but left over turkey to eat between Christmas and New Year!" 

[CusworthRovers]

I couldn't find the thingymijig, that peels the spuds and carrots. Then one of the kids told me that mum left us 4 days ago