The Big Debate

[CusworthRovers]

That's right my fellow shitters, the one on TV and on the Net sponsored by Andrex.

Does one Fold or Scrunch?

Personally speaking I think it's a no brainer and surely to god everyone folds. I'm pretty meticulous in my folding, and I'll even fold again after the first wipe. Sometimes (depending on how much I tore off) I can get 4 folds in.

It's a straight edge folded surface that can be moulded around cheeks, the crack and even afford a little push into the old back eye. As for scrunching, you can't get any of that. For all one knows, if you scrunch there could be deep chasms in the paper and these deep chasms might be the ones hitting the area of clinker. Utilising one of Newtons theories, there will be no paper contact with the clinkered area, however there will be paper contact with the skin, thus fooling said wiper into actually thinking he's had a wipe that's a winner. The wiper will only realise he's had a disastrous wipe when he/she inspects underwear later and notes a couple of Richard Widmarks.

1 for the fold here     

[Filo]

I thought you Thorne lot were still using Doc leaves!

Back to the question, I'm a scruncher, but after reading your theory about the creation of skiddies, I'm tempted to have a dabble at folding

[jucyberry]

Waiting with bated breath for someone to say why waste money on loo roll when you can drag your bum across the floor like a dog.... As Cussy has already told us his way, I'm banking on Nudga..... 

Ours is a house of folders btw. As Cussy says, it leaves less to chance...Not from as he so charmingly puts it Richard Widmark's (fine actor ) but because there is nothing worse that finding a gap in the paper mid wipe... 

[BillyStubbsTears]

I'm a folder. I leather my kids senseless when I see them scrunching. It's simply not civilised behaviour.

That said, folding is not without its problems. If you've had a particularly sloppy Tom Kite, the folded paper offers little resistance and there is a real and present danger of the wiped excreta simply being smeared on adjacent areas of bare flesh.

All in all, we ought to be civilised like the Japanese and have little remote controls built into the bog which, when you press the right button, a shower head emerges horizontally from the rear of the pan facing upwards and power-washes your sphincter.

They have them vending machines with used knickers an all.

A very civilised place. They've not invaded China and killed millions of civilians once since they started indulging their repressed sexual fantasies like this.

[RedJ]

Scrunch, drag it back, fold over.

Bloody hurts when we've got that cheap shite in like.

[Glyn_Wigley]

I fold, then scrunch and unscrunch the folded paper. A habit going back to the days when my Dad was a publican and because he was a cheap bugger we used the shiny-sided prison issue toilet paper that he put in the pub bogs in the house as well...You had to use the rough side of the paper to wipe with (the shiny side didn't so much absorb as smear around...) and scrunching and unscrunching it made it just that little bit kinder to the skin...

[jucyberry]

That takes me back to being a kid, I remember mum scrumpling up newspaper, or if we were lucky the tissue that the bread was wrapped in.. It wasn't the most pleasant of  times, between that and the power cuts.. I still hate candles, never see them as being romantic, all I remember is sitting in a dark bath with only candle light being told to scooch my legs up so mum could pour more hot water in that she had heated on the fire..

Mind you we also used to toast bread on a toasting fork by the fire whilst my nan told us about her childhood in the workhouse in sleaford, they ended up there after my great grandad died, before that they lived at Winkerbank. I wish we had been able to tape her stories, they would have made a fascinating book.

[nightporter]

No paper for me, I have japanese style jet wash in my bog. Can make you squeal if your not ready for it.