Flying

[bigbadjack]

I hate it and am off to t'egypt in a few weeks, so what am I watching.... Aircrash investigation

[Muttley]

There's really no reason to worry about flying...
















...it's only the crashing that hurts!

[Filo]

I don`t mind it, although I must admit on a flight to Alicante once I was sat at the window over the wing and spotted a mark on the wing,I`d more or less convinced myself it was a crack, I kept my eye on it all the way from Manchester to Alicante, just to make sure! 

[bigbadjack]

My old man insists on sitting in the emergency exit seat so he can help by keeping his foot on the door, now I'm no physicist but I'm sure the air pressure outside could easily rip through an old gimmers out stretched leg

[BillyStubbsTears]

I don`t mind it, although I must admit on a flight to Alicante once I was sat at the window over the wing and spotted a mark on the wing,I`d more or less convinced myself it was a crack, I kept my eye on it all the way from Manchester to Alicante, just to make sure! 

'kin 'ell Filo

A crack that went all the way from Manchester to Alicante? and nobody else noticed it?

Best fail I ever experienced on an aircraft was ten years ago, flying in from JFK to Heathrow on the day we played Orient on our return to the FL.

Money was a bit tight, so I'd got the cheapest flight possible. Air India. A 30 year old 747 that had interior decor like the Indus c.1970. And three rows in front of me, there was a leaking water pipe from the air con system in the roof. Every 30 seconds a drip landed on this old dear's head. She complained to the steward, whose solution was to get a polystyrene meal box and tape it to the roof to catch the drips.

9 hour flight means a lot of drops. I'm watching this box sagging further and further, pulling harder and harder on the sellotape. Finally coming in to land, we hit a bit of turbulence and the whole box fell off and soaked this old lass.



















Well b*llocks to you then. I thought it were funny.

[Belle-Vue-Ghost]

Mate of mine was flying back from Mexico or somewhere like that a few years ago.  Pouring down with rain at one point in the journey, he looked out the window at the wing of the plane and shouted SMOKE.  Lucky it was just the spray from the rain hitting it so hard.  He shit a few people up though 

[CusworthRovers]

I take it you kids have never flown RyanAir.


Death and I are old friends

[bigbadjack]

I have

[Filo]

I take it you kids have never flown RyanAir.


Death and I are old friends

I prefer to fly with the more upmarket airlines

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IR9Zdgv2Kag" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IR9Zdgv2Kag</a>

[CusworthRovers]

Nice one chief. Never seen that. I remember they once did Northern or Yorkshire Operatic recital and their take on Madame Buggerluggs. I nearly pissed myself on the title alone. They then sang the William Tell Overture.........Bugger off, bugger off, bugger off, bugger off.

They were pretty shit really, but had their moments.

If you dogs are on twitter join Yorkshire Problems. It's good

[RedJ]

I hate it when it randomly goes downwards, I think due to the turbulence, when taking off. Absolutely shat mesen first time I flew.

[bigbadjack]

I don't like it when little kids run up and down the aisle, don't they realise they could cause a problem with the balance inflight and in turn flip us over

[ponte_ricky]

Worst thing is kids who scream non stop for the entire journey

[Dagenham Rover]

I was flying to Hong Kong  a 24hr flight when the bloke next to me pointed something on the wing out to the stewardess she looked and just turned round to the bloke and said "Don't worry sir if we crash we will make sure you are first out"

[Muttley]

I was flying to Hong Kong  a 24hr flight

Was this in 1932 or did you go the long way round?

[Dagenham Rover]

I was flying to Hong Kong  a 24hr flight

Was this in 1932 or did you go the long way round?

       


Went on British Caledonian so 1932 might not be too far out

[Bald Rover]

Just flown home from Italy I dont mind flying or taking off but hate landing!!
Anyway shortly after taking off the pilot came on the tannoy!!

Snowing in Manchester and very very windy so it might get bumpy...

2 hours of me brown pantsing then we get to Manchester... worst landing ever lol plane was rolling dipping swaying and I was gripping the chair and absolutely sheeee hiyting myself

anyway landed without any bump and kissed the floor as I got off!

[bigbadjack]

Yeah I do a pope John Paul every time I get onto terra firma too

[BillyStubbsTears]

Went on a work trip to Italy 10 years back with a young colleague who had never flown before. On the way out, our take-off was aborted because one if the instruments on the flight deck failed. We were doing about 30mph down the runway when the engines throttled back and we veered off and back to the terminal.

On the return, we took off in a thunderstorm. Hit the worst turbulence I've  ever known. Don't know if we were actually struck by lightning, but 90 seconds after take off, the whole plane suddenly jerked sideways violently as though it had taken a right hook from Mike Tyson. So hard, I was slammed into the arm rest and got a bruise the size of a saucer on my hip.

I was cracking half-setters both times. The kid I was with thought these experiences were the usual thing on planes and he's never flown since.

[BobG]

I was once sat on a plane on the runway at Copenhagen. Absolutely filthy weather. Horrible. In the end we all had to get off again as the tower had decided it was too rough for take offs. So we adjourned to the bar where we watched a whole series of flights coming in attempting to land. Bloody exciting from where I was sitting, but Jesus Christ! I wouldn't have been in any of those planes for a billion quid.

BobG

[jucyberry]

Never been on a plane, I'm happy with my trains...

However, when Tyler was a baby Ad and his ex went over to Vegas to see her parents , Lucy Liu stopped them to say what a georgous baby he was..

[Draytonian III]

Had a flight to Belfast George Best from Robin Hood cancelled about 3 and half years ago ,so Flybe said they would put anyone who didn,t want to go home or have their money back in a hotel for the night ,so I had slum it in the Mount Pleasent ,in a suite over looking the gardens towards Bawtry. Spent 3 hours drinking on a free tab ,talking the Bristol City supporting bar man. Pity they closed route from Robin Hood 

[RobTheRover]

LAst year's summer holiday went a bit like that Draytonian.  Flying into Kos airport, round about midnight, and got to around 500ft from terra firma and both times the pilot aborted.  Apparently it had been that hot in the day that a foggy mist had descended on the airport, and Kos isnt an airport which can be landed at by instruments alone, the pilot has to see the marker.

So we flew on for another 20 minutes to Rhodes.  As there are 5 of us in our family we got put up in 2 huge suites in the 5-star Rhodos Palace hotel (see http://www.rodos-palace.com/) for the night, and flew on to Kos the next day after the pilot had caught up on his beauty sleep.

[phllvslc]

Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing.

[Jenny]

I wish my

Had a flight to Belfast George Best from Robin Hood cancelled about 3 and half years ago ,so Flybe said they would put anyone who didn,t want to go home or have their money back in a hotel for the night ,so I had slum it in the Mount Pleasent ,in a suite over looking the gardens towards Bawtry. Spent 3 hours drinking on a free tab ,talking the Bristol City supporting bar man. Pity they closed route from Robin Hood 

LAst year's summer holiday went a bit like that Draytonian.  Flying into Kos airport, round about midnight, and got to around 500ft from terra firma and both times the pilot aborted.  Apparently it had been that hot in the day that a foggy mist had descended on the airport, and Kos isnt an airport which can be landed at by instruments alone, the pilot has to see the marker.

So we flew on for another 20 minutes to Rhodes.  As there are 5 of us in our family we got put up in 2 huge suites in the 5-star Rhodos Palace hotel (see http://www.rodos-palace.com/) for the night, and flew on to Kos the next day after the pilot had caught up on his beauty sleep.

Better than the service that TAP Portugal gave us...

We arrived at Manchester airport to be told that our flight to Lisbon wasn't checking in because the incoming flight had been delayed due to a technical fault. Due to a ridiculously short connection in Lisbon, we knew we were going to miss our onward flight to Rio... We argued the toss with them in the airport when they offered us an overnight stay in what looked to be a budget hotel, ended up on a flight to Sao Paulo instead but not before we spent 12 hours in Lisbon airport with only a €16 food voucher each.

Our connection in Sao Paulo to Rio was also short, we stressed that we didn't want to miss it, and asked them if we had enough time and could they put priority on our bags, they never, our bags were the last off the plane and we missed our connecting flight from Sao Paulo.

Got drunk in the airport in the meantime and also missed our rearranged flight because they changed the gate and we didn't understand Portuguese....

Never fly TAP. Ever.

Oh and on the subject, I think they should charge fatties more if they were given the same level of comfort. I also think they should charge screaming kids more, people who kick your seat, people who talk loudly, people who insist on having their seat back when you are behind them trying to eat your amazing food, people who smell, people who take on oversized hand luggage....

God I hate flying!

[BillyStubbsTears]

Jenny

Easy answer to that. Stay in UK.

As for the kids thing, you in your job will know that you are talking about the folk who will pay your pension. So shouldn't you encourage them to get out and see the world and broaden their experience?

Anecdote warning.

Since having kids, I've got second wind in getting flirty looks from fit women. Ones with their biological clock ticking who see me wi mi beautiful bairns and in a fraction if a second compute: Aye, he looks f***ing rough now, but judging by them bairns, either he must have been a reight catch 10 years back or he's pulled a f***ing stunning wife.

And then they go on to flash a "go on - give me a bairn like that" look.

Any road. A couple of years ago, I was on a plane with Stubbs-Tears minor at the side of me and a rather sweet looking 25 year old lass in the other seat. I knew she fancied me. And the sight of my bairn got her ovaries going berserk.

She was writing summat on a notepad. Obviously recording her erotic/motherly thoughts. Then she went to the toilet. So I had a shifty at what she'd written:

"f***ing Ryanair flight. Usual shit. Sat at the side of a florid, overweight letch and his f***ing brat of a kid."

Freud would have had a field day analysing her repressed sexual desire.

[Jenny]

Funny you should say that about woman liking dads.... Me and my mate laugh about how we now get flutters in our ovaries rather than stomachs!!

[BillyStubbsTears]

Jenny baby, stop flirting with me. I'm a married man.

[DubaiRover]

Yeah I do a pope John Paul every time I get onto terra firma too

Leave them kids alone.

[not on facebook]

Flying back from cyprus after a weeks holidays.

And the Dolly Trolly is comming down the isle pushing
On on flight food Trolly.

At the front is box so i gets me thick Black felt tip pen out and writes 'PIGS SWILE' as big as i could.

Then i over hear a women a couple or rows behind us asking "i Wonder what the inflight meal is"

Husband pipes up "it looks like Its PIGS SWILE with looks Of things"

There was a few passangers laughing to them sens but
Some fcuker grassed us up and i got held back on plane after landing at Manchester.

I was not allowed to Get off plane untill captian had spoke to us,and tbh he was not upset at all as it was the Chief cabin steward Who was up in arms about me graffiti

The puff