Most embarrassing moments......

[Bentley Bullet]

It was around 1972 when it happened. I was driving home from work in Spring Gardens (Doncaster town centre), and as I drove past the Arndale centre in St Sepulchre gate, towards the clock corner, I wondered why there was no other traffic on the road. I looked in the mirror and saw a policeman stopping all other traffic from taking the same route as me. Why didn't he stop me, I thought...

As I turned the corner up towards High Street I was shocked to see the street lined with people all waving Union Jacks. I continued slowly and next thing I was behind a Black Rolls Royce, with the QUEEN sat in the back waving out of the window at her audience.

In complete panic I looked in the mirror and saw a fleet of Rolls Royce's behind me!

I'd somehow got through the security net and was in the Royal entourage in my scruffy old Vauxhall Viva with a massive dint in the drivers door.

It seemed like forever before I managed to turn left down Princes street and bugger off home to Wheatley.

I had a cherry on for three months.....

[turnbull for england]

I inadvertently told a woman id not met before that her recently deceased ex husband never loved her..  awkward is not the word

[Filo]

I inadvertently told a woman id not met before that her recently deceased ex husband never loved her..  awkward is not the word

That reminds me of a couple of years back when some one asked how my dad was these days, "still dead" was my reply, the poor bloke did n`t know where to put his face!

[jucyberry]

Was in the shop with my sister years ago when the kids were all little, she was rummaging around in her handbag and managed to drop her youngest  daughters tube of eczema cream onto the floor..

I being a cow picked it up and shouted, 'Cheryl, you dropped your KY jelly'.     

Deborah you are such a bitch.. she said scarlet faced.. Oh I'm soo mean..lol

[BobG]

Went out for a little lunchtime drinky with some work mates, including my then boss about 30 years back. Came back, signed about half a dozen contracts for the supply of millions of yards of material and its subsequent make up into mailbags (don't worry - I couldn't approve that kind of spend back then. I was just the gophor), stuck 'em all in envelopes and whanged 'em into the out tray.

Few days later I started getting quite a number of phone calls..... 'Interesting to see what so and so got. But can you tell me what we got please?'

Oh shite. I'd put the sodding contracts all in the wrong envelopes. Every bugger had got some other buggers contract. Even worse, some poor sods got contracts for someone else and then I had to tell them they'd got nowt themselves.

Moral of the story: if I've ever had a drinky at lunchtime since, I absolutely do NOT post anything, write anything or argue about anything in the afternoon. Never!

BobG

[Nudga]

Probably round about 1994-ish and went to The Park Lane night club for the first time. I was absolutely shit faced (I wouldn't have gone in there otherwise) and didn't know the lay out of the place.
Anyway, we paid our entrance fee and made our way up stairs, what I didn't know was that there was a great big mirror at the top of the stairs, I thought it was an open door way into the club because I could see people dancing.
So pissed up me walks straight into the mirror, clonks me head and falls backwards all the way back down stairs in a big pile of pissed up mess next to the bouncers feet.


Needless to say I got kicked out.

[RobTheRover]

Heard a cracking one whilst out round Barnsley tonight.

A lad who used to work with us confessed his first condom purchase.  As a spotty 17 year old, he waited outside the chemists until there were no other customers in the shop, then hurried up to the counter.  "Can I have some condoms please?", he says to the female assistant.  "Of course", she says, "What size do you want?".  So he thinks, if I say small she'll laugh, and if I say large they might be too big.  "Oh, you know, I'll just have medium".

The assistant bursts out laughing and then says, "No, I meant a pack of 3 or a pack of 12"

[Bentley Bullet]

This must have been my wife's most embarrassing moment.

I was in Morrisons petrol station filling up when my wife stuck her head out of the window and asked me to get her a packet of crisps. I went to pay for the fuel and came back having completely forgot the crisps. Annoyed, she asked me to pull up outside of the  shop so she could get her own. This I did and she got out and went in the shop.

Whilst she was in the shop I pulled forward to get in the car wash queue, and a car pulled up into the spot I'd left vacant outside the shop.

My wife came out of the shop and got in that car obviously thinking it was ours, and proceeded to give the poor bloke a bollocking for forgetting her crisps.

Seconds later she got out of the car, face as red as a beetroot, and got back into ours.

"DON'T SAY OWT" she said.

I didn't....

[BillyStubbsTears]

Similar thing happened to our kid. I used to give him a lift home from work. One evening, me running late, an identical car pulls up outside our kid's work. He gets in without looking at the driver, turns to put his seat belt on and shouts, "Where the f**k have YOU been?"

[Bentley Bullet]

When I was about 17, I worked at a wholesalers in Doncaster town centre.

   A new manager had just started, a posh, sergeant  Major type who was a stickler for doing things correctly.

One day me and a colleague were shifting boxes of stuff following a delivery. The manager was watching us, and true to form he stopped us to give advice. Telling us that we were lifting wrong, he demonstrated the method of bent legs, straight back before lifting etc.

As he raised himself up, he appeared to be surprised by the weight of the box, and proceeded to break wind loudly.

My colleague, thinking it was me who'd done the dirty deed said "you dirty arse bugger"!

The manager, red faced, said angrily "I'll pretend I didn't hear that".