I've had a dream

[Bentley Bullet]

We had just arrived in Barnsley when the Police pulled us over. They were amazed to find the car was taxed, insured, not stolen and carried no burglary tools or weapons. The car wasn’t illegal and the driver wasn't pissed or stoned and had a full, valid driving licence with no points.

The puzzled constables tried to do us for wasting police time, cheeky buggers!

After that fiasco we went into a pub for a pre-match drink. It went deadly quiet as we entered. A local approached us and said “tha sounds posh, where’s tha from”?  “we’re from down the road”, I said.  “What’s tha do”? He asked. “I’m a taxidermist”, I said jokingly. “What’s wanna’ them?” he asked. “I mount animals”, I said. He then shouted “it’s ahrate lads, he’s wannarus”!

Next thing the landlord picked up a microphone and announced that it was time for the Saturday quiz. “Question 1”, he shouted.

“What do you call the small door that is fitted into a house door so the family Moggie can enter and leave the premises unaided”?
I soon realised that the bloke writing the answers down near us was dyslexic, as he wrote down his answer.....’flat cap’.

“Question 2”.
“What was a coal miner called in the year 1066”?
He wrote ‘Norman Collier’.

“Question 3”
What is a ‘fire truck”?
‘One of Robin Hood’s merry men’.

“Question 4”
“what was Hitler’s first name”?
‘Heil’.

“Question 5”
“What was the number one best selling toy of the 1950’s”?
“Hoolahoop”!  Someone shouted.

The pub went quiet. Again someone shouted “Hoolahoop's here”!

I looked towards the door and I saw a bloke with a Donny Rovers shirt on. “That’s Hoola” someone said to me. I said “Who, him there who looks like Les Battersby”?  “Aye, if you like” said my mate.

Next thing Hoola said “I’d like to buy everyone in the pub a drink”, and went over to the bar. He then asked for a pint of lager, and 27 straws.

Time flew by as a great time was had by all. So much that we were still in the pub at kick off time. One of Hoola’s entourage (obviously identifiable because of his outdated fashion attire usually worn by Thorne residents) said “You do realise, we’re missing the match”, to which someone replied “He’s football mad”!

Reluctantly, we supped up and went to the game.

We got there just as Rovers went one up on the fifteenth minute mark, Mark Duffy steering the ball home from close range. Rovers rode their luck and the held on to the lead right up to the 84th minute. Then the inevitable happened and the Dingles equalised.

F.T. Dingles 1 Rovers 1

Dead vivid it was. In fact it was that vivid I woke up with a chuffing hang over.
   

[silent majority]

 

Well done!

[Dagenham Rover]

Bloody brilliant