Re: The Amazing Fact Chain Letter

[tommy toes]

Arggh.  Go with Mercan

[RobTheRover]

Meghan Mercan is the rootin' tootin' poster girl of the campaign to get Prince Andrew to visit America for a chat. He's having none of it as he nearly fell for a similar ruse whilst having a lovely family meal at Pizza Express once.

Next : The Changing Of the Guard

[IDM]

The changing of the guard.

Geoffrey Boycott’s grandmother used to favour a “middle” guard, but when her stick of rhubarb grew much thicker one year, she changed the guard to “middle and leg” on her grandson’s advice.

Since then she scored 1500 first class runs each season.

Next:  once you’ve popped you can’t stop.

[Ldr]

The changing of the guard.

Geoffrey Boycott’s grandmother used to favour a “middle” guard, but when her stick of rhubarb grew much thicker one year, she changed the guard to “middle and leg” on her grandson’s advice.

Since then she scored 1500 first class runs each season.

Next:  once you’ve popped you can’t stop.

The Jimmy Saville story........

Followed by #metoo

[RobTheRover]

"Once you've popped you can't stop" is the catchphrase of disgraced former The Apprentice host, Donald Trump. He had to drop his previous catchphrases "Pick 'em up by the pussy" and "I just kiss, I don't wait"  following allegations from former porn strumpet Stormy Daniels that she was indeed picked up and kissed.

Next : Sleepy Joe

[IDM]

A “sleepy Joe” is the last thing you want to be afflicted with when you’re with a porn strumpet.

Next:  Laughing stock.

[tommy toes]

'Laughing Stock? You won't be laughing in 90 minutes time.' said Jermaine Beckford to our Brian as they walked out at Wembley.

He was.

Next: Brian the Snail.

[idler]

'Laughing Stock? You won't be laughing in 90 minutes time.' said Jermaine Beckford to our Brian as they walked out at Wembley.

He was.

Next: Brian the Snail.

Funnily enough Brian the snail met his end at Wembley after that same game.
Beckford stamped on Brian at the final whistle.
When asked why he replied, "That snail was following me for the whole game and got on my nerves".
Next:- How much!

[ravenrover]

.....is that doggy in the window is often heard in the wet meat markets of China but with new regulations in force dogs are no longer classed as food
Next
It was a dark long lonely night for

[tommy toes]

It was a dark long lonely night for the dark long and lonely Keanu Reeves, when he was finally informed by the Academy, that officially he was the worst film actor of all time.
A fact I already knew.

Next: May Tricks.

[IDM]

My mate Rick’s wife is a reyt dirt bag, so he tells me.

Next: turd sandwich

[RobTheRover]

"A Turd Sandwich" was what eminent food critic Jay Raynor declared a burger at Oakwell scored lower than on his list of foods never to eat again.

Next : The Ponte Road End

[SydneyRover]

When the bridge collapsed in Genoa all thoughts turned to the mafia ...........

Muff divers wanted

[IDM]

“Muff divers wanted” at Oakwell, where “going down” is trending..

Next: hedge trimming

[tommy toes]

Bump

[tommy toes]

Hedge trimming is a term used by hedge fund managers which allows them to trim large amounts of cash from the fund to donate to the Socialist Workers Party, which they all support.

Next: Green Fingers

[drfchound]

I was going to mention Miss Piggy and Kermit but decided to keep it clean.

[tommy toes]

Yes hound, reading through this, we had enough of that from donnyallday.

[Mike_F]

Green Fingers was the difficult follow-up single to the enduring mediaeval one-hit wonder, Greensleeves. The minstrel acid-funk fusion was ahead of its time.

Next: Stephen Hawking

[tommy toes]

Stephen Hawking was one of the biggest gangsters in London in the 1960s.
He gave it up and decided to write a book about his exploits, and entitled it 'A Brief History of Crime'
Unfortunately his publishers got the title wrong so he had to rewrite a load of unintelligible scientific nonsense that nobody could understand.
He got away with it.

Next: Publish and be damned

[belton rover]

‘Publish and be damned’ was a phrase coined by Mary Whitehouse, a conservative activist and all round killjoy. She campaigned against social liberalism and the phrase in question was aimed at the editors of Rustler, Razzle and Bald Beavers.
And Tit Bits.

Next: Chalfont St Giles

[turnbull for england]

Chalfont St Giles Peterson, erstwhile Radio 6 purveyor of unknown tunage  is also partial to digestives with butter on at 4 pm weekdays.

Next Land of Nod

[tommy toes]

Land of Nod is a small village near Holme-upon-Spalding-Moor (affectionately called Husm by Mrs T, but I digress)
It got its name from its most famous resident Noddy Holder, who keeps the Land of Nodders awake at night shouting IT'S CHRISTMAS! continually, all year round.

Next: Slade Prison

[ravenrover]

Slade Prison has made the Guiness book of records for the amount of Porridge it serves to inmates. Most would prefer Honey Nut Clusters but that would put a stretch on the breakfast budget but would cut down the time to serve for Kitchen Staff

Next: Wind Farms

[turnbull for england]

Wind farms appeal for help after door left open and autumn harvest escapes.

Next I was behind Steve Evans in queue at Greggs

[belton rover]

Wind farms appeal for help after door left open and autumn harvest escapes.

Next I was behind Steve Evans in queue at Greggs

I was behind Steve Evans in the queue at Greggs. Needless to say, I went home hungry that day.

Next: Hungary

[tommy toes]

There weren't many men called Gary in 1914.They were mainly called Albert or Percy and the like.
However there was one, Gary Otterthwaite from Conisbrough.
On signing up at Mexborough Imperial, the registering officer said 'Right, now you're off to fight the Hun Gary.
(I'll get me coat)

Next: Denaby Crossing

[BobG]

Denaby was very, very, VERY crossing. Some bugger left the gate open.

Next:  Open Wide And...


BobG