important matter for serious debate

[Herman Hessian]

right, gentlemen (and closet transexuals) - a serious matter has arisen on which i need your input and advice

i have a rovers scarf; probably got it around 1997 (Cardiff at home on a tuesday night, at a guess - we scored three times in the last ten minutes to salvage a draw - darren Moore and Jon Schofield - who else - cramb ?); it's been fücking everywhere since - from cardiff to hartlepool, dover to barrow and all points in between (leek, halesowen, ossett, scarborough, barnsley - my god, we've been to some shitholes !)

anyway - it's filthy - never been washed; it's mopped up beer, blood, snot, engine oil, sundry bodily fluids, ketchup, brown sauce and mustard, it's kept me warm, been used to flick wasps away, wiped car windows, been turned inside out to make a ridiculous hat, bundled up my son when he was carted to games as a wee'un (wee being the operative word), been thrown in the back of the car in disgust, and thrown in the air in jubilation; it's been rained on, snowed on, sleeted on (i'm looking at you, leek town), blown about and sun-bleached in the car window - it's fücking ace, and I love it

as I say, it's never been washed; it has its own particular smell, and would probably  be of interest to the ministry of defence facility at porton down as a means to deliver biological warfare agents; you could in all probability grow spuds in the filth and it will never, ever be allowed near any sort of detergent, conditioner, fabric softener or even warm water lest some of the magical patina of two decades of suffering and misery is removed; the irony is that the sticky washing instructions tag is still on it, though now completely illegible

it's got a couple of holes, which are fine, but of late i have noticed that the dangly tassle things at one end are starting come unpicked - hence my dilemma:

should i leave them to become further unravelled and ulitmately fall off at some point, and put it down to acceptable wear and tear, or do I assign the missus to sew the fückers back on ? would this be construed as outside interference, and inevitably be the portent of bad things (off to carlisle in a couple of weeks, from east sussex, so i have an inkling that losing in the 89th minute will be a certainty if maintenance is permitted) - dunno which way to go - over to you....

[Filo]

I'd say leave it, the introduction of new thread will stand out like a sore thumb and de-value it as it would be deemed to have been tampered with

[idler]

All good sides need the introduction of a new and or younger element.
I think as long as you carefully instruct the missus as to exactly what is needed regarding quality of martial and workmanship then your scarf might even live to see us back in the Championship.
On the other hand if it all goes wrong, just blame the missus for not following instructions correctly.

[turnbull for england]

Disgusting  -you eat ketchup??

[Herman Hessian]

not necessarily - that's just one of the things it's wiped up - i don't eat snot or engine oil   

[idler]

not necessarily - that's just one of the things it's wiped up - i don't eat snot or engine oil   
[/quoteYou've never lived Herman. 😉

[Filo]

not necessarily - that's just one of the things it's wiped up - i don't eat snot or engine oil   

Why not?

[Dutch Uncle]

Herman – a word (well several actually) of warning.

Decades ago I had a heavy duty College scarf, the warmest thing I have ever owned. It went with me when I went to live first in Germany and then in Holland, where it became essential during their incredibly cold winters (minus 16 not exceptional). It had theoretically horrible gaudy colours - magenta and off-white (may have been real white when it started), and like your scarf it was a badge of honour, trusted friend who had been with me through so much, prized possession of absolute great value and I reckoned good luck. I even saw an identical one hanging in a squash changing room in Köln (see I can do umlauts as well) – I waited for half an hour to see if it belonged to an alumnus of my small college, or whether there was some obscure educational institution in Germany with an identical taste in strident student scarves…… but eventually I had to leave for my last train back so I never found out.

Well eventually it also became so disgusting and filthy that I was advised to ditch it, wash it or end a relationship. Bad decision. The colours ran horribly so it became a dreadful dark and light mucky magenta mix. Worse still it transpired that it was only the dirt that was holding the scarf together and my old friend fell apart. As you might expect from anyone who would put a partner to such a dreadful dilemma, the other relationship ended soon after anyway and I had more importantly lost my true neck warming friend.

Fast forward another 30 years and my daughter, through pure coincidence, ends up at the same college. Being aware of the above tale I am bought a wonderful Christmas present – a current day Magenta and White specimen, complete with coat of arms which my old mucker never had. It is fabulous in the wind over here in Northern Ireland, but it will never see washing machine or any maintenance of any kind. To lose one scarf is unfortunate, to lose two would be distinctly careless……..

Be warned and leave it alone my friend!

[Herman Hessian]

not necessarily - that's just one of the things it's wiped up - i don't eat snot or engine oil   

Why not?

50 years living down south - effeminate ways have rubbed off on me....

actually - talking of rubbed off - i don't think the scarf has ever had to endure that particular indignity...

[nightporter]

Ah, the 'triggers broom conundrum'

[DearneValleyRover]

Leave it be man, no good will come from interference

[Jimmydee]

You ought to seek advise from Saturday Santa, I'm sure that he has recently changed his hat, he can tell you if his fortunes have changed for the better or worse.

[drfchound]

Herman, if you wash it and then we lose at Carlisle it will be on your neck !!

[acacia94]

Ayup Rob its uncle Geoffrey – did you get to Barnet? You never came back so I thought you'd waved it off.
On the scarf I suspect you already know the answer lad.
Its not to be taken anywhere near any washing appliance. Like a tattered bowmans glove from Agincourt, a stained forage cap from Ypres, or a sweaty 617 squadron oxygen mask from the Dambusters Raid it must be kept in all its original soiled glory for time immemorial.

[Nudga]

PVA  and glitter will sort it.

[Herman Hessian]

is that the scarf or the missus - can't beat a bit of DIY vajazzle....

[IDM]

is that the scarf or the missus - can't beat a bit of DIY vajazzle....

you wouldn't need PVA for that!!

[PDX_Rover]

I'm reminded of The Young Ones going to the launderette.... do you have any of Felicity Kendall's underwear that needs a damn good washing?

[ss1953]

Frame the original.
Buy a new one.

[CantleyRed]

The worst regret of my life is when I gave away by Rovers scarf to a young lady in the Sal after a midweek 3-0 or 3-1 defeat to Port Vale in 1977, uttering those immortal words: Never going again. Although to be fair, it was worth it lol

[idler]

I gave away a scarf to my nephew in the late 60s.
It had the supporters club badge on and date bars from about 1952 I think.

[essexrover]

Herman I empathise with you. I have one from 1986 & its story is very similar to yours (been to Aldershot,Fulham,Barnet,Hayes,Kingstonian etc etc). In my case I just let the f**ker rot !! It might be a bit skanky but it's authentic 

[BobG]

Just a 'bit' skanky?!!!

Lol. Sadly, I have no such claim to either longevity or constancy. Mind you, I've still got that t shirt with Firestarters ugly mug and a suitable epithet on it. Odious cretin.

BobG

[les@donr]

my scarf is from the Conference years, red and blue, still going strong keeping me warm along with my Rovers hat in -35 here in Canada.

[Filo]

Somewhere I have two Rovers away scarves a green and white one and a blue and white one

[essexrover]

Just a 'bit' skanky?!!!

Lol. Sadly, I have no such claim to either longevity or constancy. Mind you, I've still got that t shirt with Firestarters ugly mug and a suitable epithet on it. Odious cretin.

BobG

Well alright then....VERY skanky !  I hardly ever touch it now in case it just falls apart.

[RobTheRover]

Washing a scarf is akin to the club rebranding as Doncaster Pirates to tap into the Somalian boat hijacking market. Just leave it alone.