The Last 24 Hours

[tyke1962]

Just need a bit of an outlet because of what's occurred and I'm absolutely raging with anger and so desperately sad at the same time .

My step daughters partner walked out on her yesterday leaving her and our two grandchildren , she's 21 years old and our grandkids are 2.5 and 8 months old .

There's significant evidence he's met someone else although that's not an established fact as yet .

She's absolutely heart broken and I can't even begin to explain how devastated she is , broken would just about do it .

Our grandchildren obviously have no idea what's going on and both do their thing as if it's just a normal day .

He's also left her in the shyte financially but we can sort that no problem and in the grand scheme of things that's nothing .

This is one of the saddest days of my life to see those two little kids and their mother with their lives turned completely upside down .

Obviously myself and my partners only concern now is for our daughter and she is my daughter irrespective of blood and our two gorgeous grandkids .

Just needed an outlet guys for my own mental health as much as anything .

Life can be bloody shyte can't it .

[Bentley Bullet]

Feeling for you Tyke. Take care buddy, we're all here for you.

[River Don]

Desperate stuff tyke, you have my sympathy.

Still, the world turns and you don't know what is around the corner. My partner went through a very difficult divorce and  much more besides but now we're a happy family. I consider her daughter my own, she's in London at Uni now. Everything has settled down well.

[BillyStubbsTears]

Feel for you and yours Tyke. As someone once said "Hell is other people". In the long run, she sounds well shut of him. That won't ease the pain now though.

[tyke1962]

Feeling for you Tyke. Take care buddy, we're all here for you.

Thanks BB much appreciated .

[tyke1962]

Feel for you and yours Tyke. As someone once said "Hell is other people". In the long run, she sounds well shut of him. That won't ease the pain now though.

So true Billy , thanks and really appreciated .

[tyke1962]

Desperate stuff tyke, you have my sympathy.

Still, the world turns and you don't know what is around the corner. My partner went through a very difficult divorce and  much more besides but now we're a happy family. I consider her daughter my own, she's in London at Uni now. Everything has settled down well.

Thank you for your very kind words RD .

[tyke1962]

She's gone through enough for a young lass of 21 .

My partner and her dad  divorced when she was quite young herself and then he passed away when she was 12 years old when myself and her mum had been together for a couple of years .

She was very close to her dad and obviously this had a major impact on her life .

She's an absolutely lovely young lady and she's never given me any bother at all ,  given what happened to her dad she could easily have rebelled against me as a reaction to that especially just going in to those teenage years .

She just sees good in people which is a fantastic trait but unfortunately also comes with another side attatched to it .

What she always wanted was a partner who loved her and to have a family .

It's broken mine and her mum's  heart to see her so devastated .

You can't make it right , you can't take the pain she's feeling away and that's the worst part of it .

All we can do is be there for the three of them and support and help them the best we can .

It just doesn't feel enough right now .

[DRCraig]

Tbh I think it is downhill only from now on. Once a family splits, Everyone divides up. Games start, spite etc. Needs people to act like adults. Hope I am wrong 're your situation. My family has been like this. Even deaths have not sorted it. In fact, When they have happened, It's made things even worse. Wish humans would realise, We are on this earth once. Life is precious and too short.

[drfchound]

I wish you good luck for the future tyke, there will be tough days ahead but time is a great healer.
Things sometimes happen, making us think the end of the world has come around.
It may be that there will be a good outcome.

[Ldr]

Tyke, she won’t see it now but she’s better off

[tyke1962]

I wish you good luck for the future tyke, there will be tough days ahead but time is a great healer.
Things sometimes happen, making us think the end of the world has come around.
It may be that there will be a good outcome.

Thanks for that Hound and indeed there will be better days ahead .

Time is a great healer something I know from personal experience and you are right mate .

[tyke1962]

Tyke, she won’t see it now but she’s better off

Ain't that the truth Ldr  .

[danumdon]

Feel for you and your family Tyke, its never a good situation when this kind of thing happens.

As LDR says, it might seem raw right now but if it was going to happen its better that its happened now whist the kids are still young, than for it to happen later when it would and could cause far more emotional upheaval.

Times a great healer and she's young enough to meet someone who will respect her and treat her right.

All the best buddy.

[SydneyRover]

Your step daughter and kids will get through this tyke and time will heal.

[scawsby steve]

My thoughts and prayers will be with you throughout the whole of this weekend, Tyke.

You're a poster that I always have the upmost respect for.

[tommy toes]

Ashamed to say that I did the same thing to my wife and daughter when I was 22. Married far too young and couldn't continue with it for my own sanity. Selfish but true.

So l left.

Things turned out OK though. My ex found a partner who gave them a good life and I eventually settled down with someone.
Sadly my daughter died aged 33, but before that she had the love and support of both families.

I hope things turn out well for you and yours Tyke.

[BobG]

If I may offer my three pennyworth of very, very painful experience, do your absolute damndest Tyke to keep solicitors OUT of any conversations about the children.

When you think about the members of the legal profession, they are duty bound to do their level best for their client. The 'best' for one client is absolutely not the 'best' for the client on the other side. Lawyers and solicitors can't accept a half way house because that risks accusations of 'not doing their best' and being sued for it. So you end up with entrenched conflict. That is both horrendously expensive (there is no Legal Aid nowadays for family matters) and copper bottom guaranteed to utterly sour the relationship between the parents. The children, and the parents, are immeasurably better off, emotionally, financially, socially and health too, with a deal between the parents - even if that deal is not one that makes you jump for joy. I brought a boy up in a decade long atmosphere of rancour, acrimony and conflict. I, and he, live with the consequences of that even now. I mean it Tyke. Don't let the solicitors and Courts get involved. And for God's sake, don't let effing CAFCASS anywhere near any of 'em. I don't have the words to describe how appalling that shower are.

BobG

PS One other suggestion: solicitors are intelligent people. That, along with the self esteem generated by their position, naturally leads them to take charge. They suggest, 99% of clients follow. Watch for it. Once you are aware of it, it is as clear as the nose on your face. But DON'T LET them lead! Decide what you want, and TELL them that that is what you want. For God's sake don't let them drive the agenda. If one were being cynical, solicitors driving agendas is a sure fire way to increase their earnings - because conflict leads to an almost infinitely prolonged ability to send out huge bills.

Happily I worked this out quite quickly and I was able to be sufficiently clear about what I wanted and sufficiently firm in instructing the solicitor that I didn't fall into that trap. I got caught out by the right of anybody to go to Court at any time - with Legal Aid paying her bills back then. I was hung out to dry for a decade by that. Nothing I could do about it. But your step daughter won't have that problem today. Just try to make sure she doesn't get involved with solicitors at all. And, if she must, that she does not let them drive the agenda.

Bob

[tyke1962]

Thanks for everyone's kind words of support and advice , it's much appreciated .

We've managed to book five days away for the five of us to the coast and we are going this morning , a bit last minute .com but both myself and my partner have very good employers .

Get away and spend some quality time together .

[roversdude]

Tyke feeling for you all
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King Jr

[belton rover]

Sorry to hear this, Tyke. Life is shit at times but it seems that your daughter has a loving, caring family, which is so important in difficult times.
I hope, in time, everything works out for her.

[normal rules]

Sorry to hear this tyke.

21 is so young to be dealing with this, with kids so young too.

The local health visiting team can offer listening visits to your daughter if she needs to talk to someone other than family. She can arrange this though her local health visitor.

There is a great service out there called BRIC ( prev known as home start)  a great service for young parents also who can signpost to other services which may be useful for her. They too offer a valuable listening ear.

Under rated  CAB can offer a full benefit check to make sure she is getting all the help she can, as well as the help your own family are offering of course.

It sounds to me like she has the most important thing right now. Supportive parents.