Tim Vine Jokes

[Bentley Bullet]

Have you had to walk 500 miles?

Were u advised to walk 500 more?

You could be entitled to compensation.

Call the Pro claimers NOW.

[Not Now Kato]

My dog ate a bag of scrabble tiles so I dropped him off at the vet's this morning.
 
There's been no word yet!

[Bentley Bullet]

My wife got a new hearing aid today. I said, ''What kind is it?'' She said, “Half past four."

[Not Now Kato]

A group of us walked into a posh restaurant. The Maitre' D asked "do you have reservations?" I said "Yes, but we want to eat here anyway."
 

[Not Now Kato]

My girlfriend thinks I'm invading her privacy.  I know this because I read it in her diary.

[Not Now Kato]

Told the doctor I'd been bitten by a Wolf.
 
He said "Where?'
 
I said "No, just a normal one"