Jehovas Witness dilemma

[mugnapper]

I've just got back from walk and saw a couple of Middle Aged ladies looking a bit distressed at the bottom of my avenue.
Before I could get to ask what the problem was, they got in a car and shot off.
When I got to my house, I found some Jehovas nonsense in my letter box, which went straight in the Recycling bin.
Just cutting the grass and I've found a Ladies Sekonda watch, fortunately before the mower chewed it up.
Putting two and two together, I've fished the Jehovas blurb out the bin and found the address where these people hang out.
My dilemma is this :
Do I take the watch back because if I do, Brenda W will be praising God for it's safe return and relating the story to countless folk in the future who are daft enough to open the door, to show how God returned the watch because of her dedication to his cause?
(Let's ignore the fact your God made you lose it in the first place Brenda)

[belton rover]

I've just got back from walk and saw a couple of Middle Aged ladies looking a bit distressed at the bottom of my avenue.
Before I could get to ask what the problem was, they got in a car and shot off.
When I got to my house, I found some Jehovas nonsense in my letter box, which went straight in the Recycling bin.
Just cutting the grass and I've found a Ladies Sekonda watch, fortunately before the mower chewed it up.
Putting two and two together, I've fished the Jehovas blurb out the bin and found the address where these people hang out.
My dilemma is this :
Do I take the watch back because if I do, Brenda W will be praising God for it's safe return and relating the story to countless folk in the future who are daft enough to open the door, to show how God returned the watch because of her dedication to his cause?
(Let's ignore the fact your God made you lose it in the first place Brenda)

Take it to them and be saved.

[tommy toes]

Yeah give it her back mug, if it was a Carter it'd give you summat to think about.

In a similar vein , I was leafleting for the Labour Party last week(thank me later BB) and got to this door at the same time as these two blokes and I twigged they were JW's (no flies on me)
One of them asked me what I was doing so I told him.
'Do you think the Labour Party can save mankind' he asked smugly.
'No' said I 'But neither can your imaginary friend.'

[Bentley Bullet]

Yeah give it her back mug, if it was a Carter it'd give you summat to think about.

In a similar vein , I was leafleting for the Labour Party last week(thank me later BB) and got to this door at the same time as these two blokes and I twigged they were JW's (no flies on me)
One of them asked me what I was doing so I told him.
'Do you think the Labour Party can save mankind' he asked smugly.
'No' said I 'But neither can your imaginary friend.'

Prefer Andrex me'sen.

[Bristol Red Rover]

Yeah give it her back mug, if it was a Carter it'd give you summat to think about.

In a similar vein , I was leafleting for the Labour Party last week(thank me later BB) and got to this door at the same time as these two blokes and I twigged they were JW's (no flies on me)
One of them asked me what I was doing so I told him.
'Do you think the Labour Party can save mankind' he asked smugly.
'No' said I 'But neither can your imaginary friend.'

Smug v smug perhaps. Imaginary or not, the belief that "his friend" engenders is what counts.

[tommy toes]

Yeah give it her back mug, if it was a Carter it'd give you summat to think about.

In a similar vein , I was leafleting for the Labour Party last week(thank me later BB) and got to this door at the same time as these two blokes and I twigged they were JW's (no flies on me)
One of them asked me what I was doing so I told him.
'Do you think the Labour Party can save mankind' he asked smugly.
'No' said I 'But neither can your imaginary friend.'

Smug v smug perhaps. Imaginary or not, the belief that "his friend" engenders is what counts.

Fair point.

[Bristol Red Rover]

Yeah give it her back mug, if it was a Carter it'd give you summat to think about.

In a similar vein , I was leafleting for the Labour Party last week(thank me later BB) and got to this door at the same time as these two blokes and I twigged they were JW's (no flies on me)
One of them asked me what I was doing so I told him.
'Do you think the Labour Party can save mankind' he asked smugly.
'No' said I 'But neither can your imaginary friend.'

Smug v smug perhaps. Imaginary or not, the belief that "his friend" engenders is what counts.

Fair point.

Good, you're half way there, I'll see if I can get the ladies sent round to yours to finish the job. The knock is coming!

[Colemans Left Hook]

Does their Kingdom Hall have a letter box --  perhaps add a cryptic message like my god watches everyone now "please leave me alawn"


Tip
Mrs Coleman has always told me to say I am Jewish then they leave you alone

[wilts rover]

Jehovas Witness Dilema - sounds like a Half Man Half Biscuit song.

[mugnapper]

Jehovas Witness Dilema - sounds like a Half Man Half Biscuit song.

That is freaky Wilts. On the Wordle thread, you'll see I'm on a right run. 7 successive 3's followed by a 2 today. When the run comes to it's inevitable end, I was going to put 'maybe Half Man Half Biscuit will write a song about me' lol. In fact I still will as I'm a one trick pony.
A bit like John Buckley.

[wilts rover]

I am going to see them on Friday mugnapper - if I get the chance I will ask Nigel what he can do!

[tommy toes]

Yeah give it her back mug, if it was a Carter it'd give you summat to think about.

In a similar vein , I was leafleting for the Labour Party last week(thank me later BB) and got to this door at the same time as these two blokes and I twigged they were JW's (no flies on me)
One of them asked me what I was doing so I told him.
'Do you think the Labour Party can save mankind' he asked smugly.
'No' said I 'But neither can your imaginary friend.'

Smug v smug perhaps. Imaginary or not, the belief that "his friend" engenders is what counts.

Fair point.

Good, you're half way there, I'll see if I can get the ladies sent round to yours to finish the job. The knock is coming!

Send em round. I'm ready, tell you why.
Years ago I was on nights at DRI, and it was quiet so I got reading one of those Gideon Bibles they leave lying around.
There was a passage in the New Testament where Jesus is dining with his disciples. This ragged woman who was from a different race (can't remember which now) came and begged for food so Jesus gave her some.
His mates said 'why are giving food to the likes of her (or summat like that)
Jesus said ' Even the dogs of the Earth can have the crumbs off the master's table.'
Not very nice eh?
Anyway the next day I was painting the front door when a pair of JW 's
turned up.
I told them what I'd read and that I thought Jesus came across as an arrogant racist.
They started flicking through their bibles to find it but couldn't and offered to come back and discuss it with me.
Needless to say I declined

[mugnapper]

Our street is a really nice street in a reasonable area.
There is one family in the street who make noise and are generally feral.
I'm going to put the watch in a padded envelope, post it through the letterbox at the Temple along with a letter saying 'I think this may be one of your followers watch. My name is Daniel and I live at (insert feral family address here). I found the watch on my grass, then found your informative and revelatory literature in my letter box.
I'm  very interested in what you say in your message.
I've been in a downward spiral of drink  and drugs for some years.
I know mt neighbours despair at me playing my music till the early hours and I want to become a better person, but I don't know where to start.
Could you please send 6 of your operatives to my house at 8am this Sunday morning to aid my salvation. Keep knocking on my door until I answer. The devil will be telling me not to answer, but you must knock harder and harder until I answer the door.
God bless ye'

[scawsby steve]

Quite a lot of religion knocking going on in here as per usual.

My favourite Shakespeare line is "There are more things in Heaven and Earth than can be found in your philosophy, Horatio".

[SydneyRover]

An open question:

Would it be the end of the world if Brenda didn't get the watch back?

[belton rover]

An open question:

Would it be the end of the world if Brenda didn't get the watch back?

It would be the end of time for her.

[BillyStubbsTears]

Jehovas Witness Dilema - sounds like a Half Man Half Biscuit song.

More John Shuttleworth I reckon.
Oh no! They're coming through the gate.
Do I go and talk to them or hide upstairs and wait?

[Superspy]

Yeah give it her back mug, if it was a Carter it'd give you summat to think about.

In a similar vein , I was leafleting for the Labour Party last week(thank me later BB) and got to this door at the same time as these two blokes and I twigged they were JW's (no flies on me)
One of them asked me what I was doing so I told him.
'Do you think the Labour Party can save mankind' he asked smugly.
'No' said I 'But neither can your imaginary friend.'

Smug v smug perhaps. Imaginary or not, the belief that "his friend" engenders is what counts.

Fair point.

Good, you're half way there, I'll see if I can get the ladies sent round to yours to finish the job. The knock is coming!

Send em round. I'm ready, tell you why.
Years ago I was on nights at DRI, and it was quiet so I got reading one of those Gideon Bibles they leave lying around.
There was a passage in the New Testament where Jesus is dining with his disciples. This ragged woman who was from a different race (can't remember which now) came and begged for food so Jesus gave her some.
His mates said 'why are giving food to the likes of her (or summat like that)
Jesus said ' Even the dogs of the Earth can have the crumbs off the master's table.'
Not very nice eh?
Anyway the next day I was painting the front door when a pair of JW 's
turned up.
I told them what I'd read and that I thought Jesus came across as an arrogant racist.
They started flicking through their bibles to find it but couldn't and offered to come back and discuss it with me.
Needless to say I declined

The Faith of a Canaanite Woman
21 Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon.
22 A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.”
23 Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”
24 He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”
25 The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.
26 He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”
27 “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”
28 Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.

Yup, Jesus was a dick.

[tommy toes]

Ah well, it was about 25 years ago.
And I still don't like what he said.

[Superspy]

Yeah I was agreeing with you. Your memory might not have been perfect but the sentiment was the same - he didn't want to help because she wasn't from the right group of people who he was sent to help.

[ncRover]

Anyone seen the Rebekah Vardy programme about her upbringing as a JW? Really messed up institution.

[River Don]

So here's my Jehovahs  witness story. I swear it's true.

My best mates younger brother had a thing for this lass at school and she was a Jehovahs Witness.. They started going out.

Anyway, eventually he had to meet the family. So there he is in the front room with the family and what do you think think the conversation turns to?

... What are your beliefs?

Our lad is an honest lad, and he thinks honesty is the best policy. I'm an aifid...

Silence.

Quick thinking our boy moves the conversation on. It was only later his brother explained he'd said he was an immature insect. Not an atheist.

[River Don]

Actually this kid looked quite old for his age, so we took him clubbing with us in. Sheffield.

There was this particular club we all loved and at the top of the stairs there was this dealer who had a catch phrase. Acid, speed anything you need"...

My mate said, just don't accept anything...

This poor girl was trying to hand out promotional flyers... Our lad was like. No, No, No, drugs don't work!

[mugnapper]

Well, I bit the bullet and put the watch in a padded envelope and drove to the ‘Temple’ to hand the watch in.
I don’t know what I was expecting ; Maybe some studious types wandering about reading bibles, cherubic children singing hymns and maybe elderly ladies arranging flowers in a Gothic church?
What I found was a building that looked like a 1970’s Scout hut, surrounded by a 7 foot fence with razor wire atop it.
 The 7 foot closed gate had a padlock on that could have held King Kong’s chains.
The place was locked up, deserted.
There was one of those lockable post boxes on the gate, which had a slit just big enough for me to squeeze the watch in to.
I await my reward from God for doing the right thing. I’m not interested in cash, I’ll take 3 points on Saturday instead.

[Bentley Bullet]

3 points on Saturday? I reckon God will go for the easy option.......

Expect a cash windfall.

[Bentley Bullet]

I was driving down High Street in Bentley with a Jehovah's Witness once. I was looking for a parking space but the road was chock-a-block with parked cars. The Jehovah's Witness said, "I'll pray for a space to appear." I said, "If it works I'll become a Jehovah's Witness myself." Next thing, a parking space appeared. I said, " Forget that, I've found one."

[tommy toes]

Well, I bit the bullet and put the watch in a padded envelope and drove to the ‘Temple’ to hand the watch in.
I don’t know what I was expecting ; Maybe some studious types wandering about reading bibles, cherubic children singing hymns and maybe elderly ladies arranging flowers in a Gothic church?
What I found was a building that looked like a 1970’s Scout hut, surrounded by a 7 foot fence with razor wire atop it.
 The 7 foot closed gate had a padlock on that could have held King Kong’s chains.
The place was locked up, deserted.
There was one of those lockable post boxes on the gate, which had a slit just big enough for me to squeeze the watch in to.
I await my reward from God for doing the right thing. I’m not interested in cash, I’ll take 3 points on Saturday instead.

You'll get your reward in Heaven mug, either that or your Wordle streak of 2's and 3's will continue to eternity.

[SydneyRover]

I guess it should be point out that when the JW's are wishing an 'end of the world armageddon' they are wishing it upon everyone that doesn't see things their way.

[Colemans Left Hook]

An open question:

Would it be the end of the world if Brenda didn't get the watch back?

watch this space

Some of you haven't realised football is a religion 

[ravenrover]

It's a wonder that there wasn't a sign at the church saying f@!k off, we only do doorstep religion