The Unhappy Woman

[DRFCTom]

The other morning I took a pair of underwear out of the drawer.

\"What the hell?\" I said to myself as a little \"dust\" cloud appeared when I shook them out.

\"April,\" I hollered into the bathroom, \"why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?\"

She shot back: \"It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'.\"

[CusworthRovers]

A bloke is having a slash in a the pub toilet. Next to him at the urinal, he see's a man with no arms just stood there. Feeling obliged, he asks the fella:

'Can you manage mate?'.
'Not really mate. Do you mind pulling my zip down, taking out my cock and pointing it at the urinal, whilst I have a piss. Then be a star and give it a good shake will you please'.

Feelings of pity and awkwardness ensue, but he does as the fella asks. He notices the fella's cock is covered in scabs, sores, blisters and various couloured fluids running around it. However he completes his tasks and puts it back where it came from:

'By the way, do you mind if I ask what's wrong with your cock mate?'.
'fcuk knows mate, but I'm certainly not touching it' as he pulls both his arms from out of his coat.

[DRFCTom]

You never fail to please Cussy  

[i_ateallthepies]

Having a natter with me mate at tea break this morning when he takes a small piece of paper out of his pocket and unfolds it, revealing a small quantity of pale blue powder.  'You know what that is?' he says.

'No'?

'Powdered viagra... just stir it into your tea, here try it.... does nothing for your erection but'll stop your biscuits going soft'

 B)