what to do for tea?

[wardy16]

Any ideas? I haven't got a clue! I don't want anything too tricky though!  

[CusworthRovers]

I've just learnt (2 months ago) how to do scrambled eggs on toast.

The toast, I aint that thick, is easy.

The scrambled egg:

2 eggs
1 Pyrex measuring jug
1 splash of milk
1 microwave

Simply crack your eggs into the pyrex jug. Put a splash of milk in. Whisk briskly with a fork. Bang the microwave on 'power 80' and heat for 20 seconds. Ensure you cover the top with a piece of kitchen roll. Take out and whisk. Repeat power 80 and 20 seconds. It usually takes about 5 power 80's and then it's ready.

Bang the scrambled egg on the buttered toast. Bang a bit of pepper on and finally a nice splash of daddies brown sauce.

Honest mate, it aint that hard. Yes I was nervous the first time and double checked via the mobile phone to the Mrs, but once you've done it once or twice your confidence will soar.

[Bentley Bullet]

Beans on toast;

Get some raw toast (bread), and put some beans on it.
turn toaster on its side and slide bread with beans on gently into toaster, being careful not to spill the beans.
After a couple of minutes get ready to catch the beans on toast when it pops out (this means the meal is ready).
Don't forget to stand the toaster back up when finished before the wife see's it.

[Nudga]

Crisp sandwich.

Take lid off marg' container.
Wipe two slices of raw bread over the top of marg'.
Sqeeze packet of crisps until it pops (make sure packet pops at the top)
Shake contents onto raw bread.
Slap on 2nd slice of raw bread to finish off.
For females, cut in half.
For males, eat it whole.

[Bentley Bullet]

Spaghetti on toast;

Get some raw toast (bread), and put some spaghetti on it.
turn toaster on its side and slide bread with spaghetti on gently into toaster, being careful not to spill the spaghetti.
After a couple of minutes get ready to catch the spaghetti on toast when it pops out (this means the meal is ready).
Don't forget to stand the toaster back up when finished before the wife see's it.

[CusworthRovers]

Root Vegetable delight:

1 Root Vegetable
1 sharp knife
1 decent set of teeth


Simply take a large thick carrot out of the bag. Take a sharp knife out of the drawer. Chop the ends of the carrot off (using sharp side of knife) and then scrape about 1mm of skin off (again, and here's the important bit, using the sharp side of the knife)

Eat

[Nudga]

Fried root vegetable and sea food.

Put on coat and trainers.
Put a ten pound note in back pocket.
Take car keys from mantle piece.
Step out of house and get in car.
Drive 300 yards to the chippy.
Wind passenger window down and politely shout at the nice lady, \"Fish and chips with scraps wrapped please\".
She should ask if you want salt and vinegar putting, to which you should againshout politely \"YES PLEASE\".
When nice lady brings you your sea food and root vegetable food parcel to the passengers window, pass her the ten pound note and wait for your change.
You can now either (a)eat your food in the car or (b) take it home and eat there.

[jucyberry]

So, thats your mains sorted out, how about a sweet treat that was a favorite of mine as a littley

As with the previous recipies take two slices of raw bread, and generously smear all over with a good quality marge or if you are really posh.. butter..

then take the sugar bowl  and sprinkle a good teaspoon, (or more depending on taste and how much you value your gnashers) over the lubricated raw bread.
Nibble round the crusts gtting rid of the chewy bit first leaving all the lovely crunchy bit.. yum..

 :X

[CusworthRovers]

Seasonal Savoury Feast:

1 Pork Pie
1 Sausage Roll
2 Hands

Using one hand, simply open the fridge door. Using the other hand (it's important to get the hand bit right) take a packet of sausage rolls and a packet of mini pork pies. Take these to the kitchen table and bite the packets open. Take out 1 sausage roll and 1 mini pork pie. If you want to go all alfresco for a seasonal inner warmth, why not heat both in the microwave for 30 seconds. Finally for the risque amongst us, splash on a bit of daddies brown sauce on the side for dipping. This will look really posh and finish it off nicely. Ideal if you are trying to impress a lady friend.

Eat

[jucyberry]

I am very impressed at how sophisticated and self sufficiant you boys are turning out to be..

Not one of you have used the traditional recipie of ....Eee lass I'm hungry fetch us me snap..........

     

[Bentley Bullet]

Nudga wrote:

For females, cut in half.
For males, eat it whole.

The logic behind women doing this is simple.
After eating one half they claim to have 'been good' on their diet, because they have cut the calories down by half. This means they can eat the other half as a 'treat'!

[Dagenham Rover]

Sugar sandwiches not had one for years

[jucyberry]

Dagenham.Rover wrote:

Sugar sandwiches not had one for years

Me either, and I can't eat bread now..

[CusworthRovers]

A taste of the deep sea:


1 mucky woman
2 litre bottle of white star cider
1 growler

Simply ply your lass with lots of cheap cider. Lay her on the bed and remove her underwear............hang on a minute I need to refer to my Michelin Star book

[River Don]

Here you go. Easy.

ingredients
• approx• 1.1 litres/2 pints stock (chicken, fish or vegetable as appropriate)
• 1 knob of butter
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 large onion, finely chopped
• 2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
• ½ a head of celery, finely chopped
• 400g/14oz risotto rice
• 2 wineglasses of dry white vermouth (dry Martini or Noilly Prat) or dry white wine
• sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 70g/2½oz butter
• 115g/4oz freshly grated Parmesan cheese


stage 1

Heat the stock. In a separate pan heat the olive oil and butter, add the onions, garlic and celery, and fry very slowly for about 15 minutes without colouring. When the vegetables have softened, add the rice and turn up the heat.

stage 2

The rice will now begin to lightly fry, so keep stirring it. After a minute it will look slightly translucent. Add the vermouth or wine and keep stirring — it will smell fantastic. Any harsh alcohol flavours will evaporate and leave the rice with a tasty essence.

stage 3

Once the vermouth or wine has cooked into the rice, add your first ladle of hot stock and a good pinch of salt. Turn down the heat to a simmer so the rice doesn’t cook too quickly on the outside. Keep adding ladlefuls of stock, stirring and almost massaging the creamy starch out of the rice, allowing each ladleful to be absorbed before adding the next. This will take around 15 minutes. Taste the rice — is it cooked? Carry on adding stock until the rice is soft but with a slight bite. Don’t forget to check the seasoning carefully. If you run out of stock before the rice is cooked, add some boiling water.

stage 4

Remove from the heat and add the butter and Parmesan. Stir well. Place a lid on the pan and allow to sit for 2 minutes. This is the most important part of making the perfect risotto, as this is when it becomes outrageously creamy and oozy like it should be. Eat it as soon as possible, while the risotto retains its beautiful texture.

[pkt_drfc]

Easy idea drop round to a freinds house when there just making dinner they are bound to ask do you want want some job done.


OR

Pull a menu out of draw ring  up sit and wait

[Nudga]

River Don wrote:

Here you go. Easy.

ingredients
• approx• 1.1 litres/2 pints stock (chicken, fish or vegetable as appropriate)
• 1 knob of butter
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 large onion, finely chopped
• 2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
• ½ a head of celery, finely chopped
• 400g/14oz risotto rice
• 2 wineglasses of dry white vermouth (dry Martini or Noilly Prat) or dry white wine
• sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 70g/2½oz butter
• 115g/4oz freshly grated Parmesan cheese


stage 1

Heat the stock. In a separate pan heat the olive oil and butter, add the onions, garlic and celery, and fry very slowly for about 15 minutes without colouring. When the vegetables have softened, add the rice and turn up the heat.

stage 2

The rice will now begin to lightly fry, so keep stirring it. After a minute it will look slightly translucent. Add the vermouth or wine and keep stirring — it will smell fantastic. Any harsh alcohol flavours will evaporate and leave the rice with a tasty essence.

stage 3

Once the vermouth or wine has cooked into the rice, add your first ladle of hot stock and a good pinch of salt. Turn down the heat to a simmer so the rice doesn’t cook too quickly on the outside. Keep adding ladlefuls of stock, stirring and almost massaging the creamy starch out of the rice, allowing each ladleful to be absorbed before adding the next. This will take around 15 minutes. Taste the rice — is it cooked? Carry on adding stock until the rice is soft but with a slight bite. Don’t forget to check the seasoning carefully. If you run out of stock before the rice is cooked, add some boiling water.

stage 4

Remove from the heat and add the butter and Parmesan. Stir well. Place a lid on the pan and allow to sit for 2 minutes. This is the most important part of making the perfect risotto, as this is when it becomes outrageously creamy and oozy like it should be. Eat it as soon as possible, while the risotto retains its beautiful texture.

 :X  Bluuurrrgh, bloody foriegn muck.

[Bentley Bullet]

River Don wrote:

Here you go. Easy.

ingredients
• approx• 1.1 litres/2 pints stock (chicken, fish or vegetable as appropriate)
• 1 knob of butter
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 large onion, finely chopped
• 2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
• ½ a head of celery, finely chopped
• 400g/14oz risotto rice
• 2 wineglasses of dry white vermouth (dry Martini or Noilly Prat) or dry white wine
• sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 70g/2½oz butter
• 115g/4oz freshly grated Parmesan c


stage 1

Heat the stock. In a separate pan heat the olive oil and butter, add the onions, garlic and celery, and fry very slowly for about 15 minutes without colouring. When the vegetables have softened, add the rice and turn up the heat.

stage 2

The rice will now begin to lightly fry, so keep stirring it. After a minute it will look slightly translucent. Add the vermouth or wine and keep stirring — it will smell fantastic. Any harsh alcohol flavours will evaporate and leave the rice with a tasty essence.

stage 3

Once the vermouth or wine has cooked into the rice, add your first ladle of hot stock and a good pinch of salt. Turn down the heat to a simmer so the rice doesn’t cook too quickly on the outside. Keep adding ladlefuls of stock, stirring and almost massaging the creamy starch out of the rice, allowing each ladleful to be absorbed before adding the next. This will take around 15 minutes. Taste the rice — is it cooked? Carry on adding stock until the rice is soft but with a slight bite. Don’t forget to check the seasoning carefully. If you run out of stock before the rice is cooked, add some boiling water.

stage 4

Remove from the heat and add the butter and Parmesan. Stir well. Place a lid on the pan and allow to sit for 2 minutes. This is the most important part of making the perfect risotto, as this is when it becomes outrageously creamy and oozy like it should be. Eat it as soon as possible, while the risotto retains its beautiful texture.

f**king hell, where's that toaster.

[River Don]

Alternatively you could try:

Spicy Corn Fritters

Put on coat and trainers.
Put a five pound note in back pocket.
Take car keys from mantle piece.
Step out of house and get in car.
Drive 300 yards to the Newsagent.
Buy selection of Snaps Spicy Tomato, Monster Munch Pickled Onion, Barbecue Space Raiders and Spicy Transformers. They come in handy plastic bags.
When you get in simply open the bags and arrange on a plate, you could add a spring of Parsley for presentation.
Handy Tip: Cherry Coca-Cola goes really well with this dish.

All you need do then is settle down with the TV's Master-Chef or Jamie Oliver.

[Bentley Bullet]

Cheese on toast;

Get some raw toast (bread), and put some cheese on it.
turn toaster on its side and slide bread with cheese on gently into toaster, being careful not to spill the cheese.
After a couple of minutes get ready to catch the cheese on toast when it pops out (this means the meal is ready).
Don't forget to stand the toaster back up when finished before the wife see's it.

[wardy16]

hahaha! I wasn't expecting so many! thanks for the help... that should keep me going for about a month!

[LuckyGirl]

jucyberry wrote:

So, thats your mains sorted out, how about a sweet treat that was a favorite of mine as a littley

As with the previous recipies take two slices of raw bread, and generously smear all over with a good quality marge or if you are really posh.. butter..

then take the sugar bowl  and sprinkle a good teaspoon, (or more depending on taste and how much you value your gnashers) over the lubricated raw bread.
Nibble round the crusts gtting rid of the chewy bit first leaving all the lovely crunchy bit.. yum..

 :X

I love it too ever since I was small. Haven't thought to do it for ages. Nice with brown sugar too!!

[Dagenham Rover]

Banana and sugar sandwichs.

or
Put slices of cheese on a plate leaving a hole in the middle put it in the oven just let the cheese start melting, take  it out, break an egg into the middle back in the oven till the eggs cooked.
Just watch the plate cos it'll be hot

[mushRTID]

Its all about the pot noodle.

[CusworthRovers]

Shit:


Simply lay a cable on a serving plate, place in the freezer for 1hr. Roll into a pate form.

Eat



If you want to be a bit of a pufta, why not garnish your platter with a Celeriac Mash, pan-fried foraged woodland leaves and a poached quails egg

[Donnywolf]

jucyberry wrote:

I am very impressed at how sophisticated and self sufficiant you boys are turning out to be..

Not one of you have used the traditional recipie of ....Eee lass I'm hungry fetch us me snap..........

     

I had a mate who used to go PERSONALLY for the Fish and Chips to save his wife the bother of cooking

BUT

he used get her to pay and furthermore took the petrol money out of her housekeeping

They eventually divorced

[Donnywolf]

CusworthRovers wrote:

A taste of the deep sea:


1 mucky woman
2 litre bottle of white star cider
1 growler

Simply ply your lass with lots of cheap cider. Lay her on the bed and remove her underwear............hang on a minute I need to refer to my Michelin Star book

... does this involve ROASTING ?

[Sandy Lane]

So is tea a meal or a snack?  

At work, tea = tea and a sweet

at home, tea = tea and cheese sandwich, or even better toasted cheese sandwich!

Or tea, what I drank constantly this weekend while sick with the flu... :-(   :-(

[BillyStubbsTears]

LuckyGirl wrote:

I love it too ever since I was small. Haven't thought to do it for ages. Nice with brown sugar too!!

Taken out of context, this is pure Viz material.

[Nudga]

Sandy Lane wrote:

So is tea a meal or a snack?  

At work, tea = tea and a sweet

at home, tea = tea and cheese sandwich, or even better toasted cheese sandwich!

Or tea, what I drank constantly this weekend while sick with the flu... :-(   :-(

It's both. You drink tea and have tea time at what posh folk called dinner, which usually around 4 or 5 o'clock. For me, dinner time is 12 o'clock but I call this snap time. Hope this helps.