Tesco

[Dagenham Rover]

I used the self checkout at Tesco's yesterday. I put a little extra in my bag and rather than saying \"Unexpected item in the bagging area\" it just said
\"Good afternoon Mr Worrall-Thompson  

[CusworthRovers]

When I was just a little girl,
I asked my mother, what will I be?
Will I be pretty, will I be rich?
Here's what she said to meeeee......

\"Son, I think we need to talk\"

[jucyberry]

A woman dies and goes to heaven. As St. Peter is processing her, she hears a woman screaming in pain. She looks in the room and sees them drilling holes in the woman's shoulders to fasten the wings. Then she hears a man screaming and sees them drilling holes in his head to fasten the halo.

\"I do not want to go to heaven\", she tells St. Peter. \"I'll go to the other place.\"

\"You don't want to go there\", he replies. \"They rape and sodomize you down there.\"

\"I don't care\", she answers. \"At least I already have holes for that.\"

[Donnywolf]

I used the self checkout at Tesco's yesterday. I put a little extra in my bag and rather than saying \"Unexpected item in the bagging area\" it just said
\"Good afternoon Mr Worrall-Thompson  

...and have you seen Mr Madeley this morning !

(In 1994 Madeley was arrested for failing to pay for items, including champagne, on two separate occasions at a Tesco supermarket in Manchester. He was later acquitted of all shoplifting charges after citing lapses of memory)

[billdoor]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he was in Mr Morrall-Thompsons inside coat pocket

[billdoor]

French breast implant company,pip are going to remove thousands of useless tits.

Hang in there sunshine,i won't tell them where you live.

[BillyStubbsTears]

Why did the pervert cross the road?

Cos he had his knob stuck in the chicken.