Original limericks

[scawsby steve]

I'll go first seeing as it's my idea.

There once was a chancer called Keith

Whose stealth was well hidden beneath

His route to Prime Minister

Was something quite sinister

With lies told right through his back teeth

Next.

[Pancho Regan]

I'll go first seeing as it's my idea.

There once was a chancer called Keith

Whose stealth was well hidden beneath

His route to Prime Minister

Was something quite sinister

With lies told right through his back teeth

Next.

I'm not the cantankerous sort
But your post gave me some food for thought
After 14 long years
We had nothing but tears
Some folks' memories are dreadfully short ....

[scawsby steve]

I'll go first seeing as it's my idea.

There once was a chancer called Keith

Whose stealth was well hidden beneath

His route to Prime Minister

Was something quite sinister

With lies told right through his back teeth

Next.

I'm not the cantankerous sort
But your post gave me some food for thought
After 14 long years
We had nothing but tears
Some folks' memories are dreadfully short ....

A good attempt, Pancho. However, the last line is 2 "drumbeats" out. You need to replace "dreadfully" with "so", then it will work. The syllables(drumbeats) are important in limericks.

However, I get the reasoning behind the meaning. "All the same", and I totally agree.

[Pancho Regan]

I'll go first seeing as it's my idea.

There once was a chancer called Keith

Whose stealth was well hidden beneath

His route to Prime Minister

Was something quite sinister

With lies told right through his back teeth

Next.

I'm not the cantankerous sort
But your post gave me some food for thought
After 14 long years
We had nothing but tears
Some folks' memories are dreadfully short ....

A good attempt, Pancho. However, the last line is 2 "drumbeats" out. You need to replace "dreadfully" with "so", then it will work. The syllables(drumbeats) are important in limericks.

However, I get the reasoning behind the meaning. "All the same", and I totally agree.

SS, I find that in general speech. most people say 'memries' rather than 'mem-or-ies', so I think the last line scans OK.

 

[DonnyOsmond]

There once was a tale of regret,
With Boris, Liz, and Brexit.
They promised great gain,
But delivered much pain,
A blunder we won't soon forget.

[tommy toes]

An angry old Bullet from Bentley
Treated the Tories so very gently
When Labour were elected
He became disaffected
And froths at the mouth evidently.

[Bentley Bullet]

There once was a conman called Keir
Who turned out to be most insincere
Most obviously fake
And a snivelling snake
To sensible folk that was clear

[SydneyRover]

The boy stood on the burning deck
But words, they would not parse,
Mein gott! ‘It’s bloody dark in here’!,
Because your head is ………..

[Bentley Bullet]

There was a pom called Syd
Who banged his head on a dustbin lid
He said "I'm not about to fall apart,
But it did make my head smart."
Everyone said, "WHO YOU TRYING TO KID?"

[scawsby steve]

OK, not original, but one of my faves.

There once was a girl from Morton

Who had a long tit and a short'un

To make up for the loss

She could p*ss like a hoss

And fart like a 650 Norton

[drfchound]

The boy stood on the burning deck
But words, they would not parse,
Mein gott! ‘It’s bloody dark in here’!,
Because your head is ………..

What is a Limerick:

What is a limerick poem? A Limerick should have five lines.
A limerick poem is a type of poem where the first, second and fifth lines have the same rhyme and rhythm. The third and fourth lines within a limerick will rhyme too! It's short, punchy, and often funny.

A limerick contains just one stanza, which is a group of lines within a poem, much like a verse within a song. Its rhyming scheme is always AABBA.

[DonnyOsmond]

A limerick’s a curious thing,
With a bounce and a rhyme it must bring.
Five lines full of cheer,
The last, crystal clear,
Like a joke with a lyrical zing!

[Bentley Bullet]

The boy stood on the burning deck
But words, they would not parse,
Mein gott! ‘It’s bloody dark in here’!,
Because your head is ………..

What is a Limerick:

What is a limerick poem? A Limerick should have five lines.
A limerick poem is a type of poem where the first, second and fifth lines have the same rhyme and rhythm. The third and fourth lines within a limerick will rhyme too! It's short, punchy, and often funny.

A limerick contains just one stanza, which is a group of lines within a poem, much like a verse within a song. Its rhyming scheme is always AABBA.

Maybe Syd's attempt is AABBAriginal.

[drfchound]

The boy stood on the burning deck
But words, they would not parse,
Mein gott! ‘It’s bloody dark in here’!,
Because your head is ………..

What is a Limerick:

What is a limerick poem? A Limerick should have five lines.
A limerick poem is a type of poem where the first, second and fifth lines have the same rhyme and rhythm. The third and fourth lines within a limerick will rhyme too! It's short, punchy, and often funny.

A limerick contains just one stanza, which is a group of lines within a poem, much like a verse within a song. Its rhyming scheme is always AABBA.

Maybe Syd's attempt is AABBAriginal.

Superb play on words there BB.
Indigenous, sorry that should be ingenious.

[Donnywolf]

Favourite of all time

An entrepreneur from Australia *
Once painted his a**e like a Dahlia
Threepence a smell
Went very well
But sixpence a lick was a failure


* Sorry SR , it doesn't work as well with Albania or Romania

[Iberian Red]

There was once a man called Steve,

Whose posts nobody could believe,
Always thought he was right,,
But always talks sh@ite,
So they nicknamed him Mr Naive

[Iberian Red]

An angry old Bullet from Bentley
Treated the Tories so very gently
When Labour were elected
He became disaffected
And froths at the mouth evidently.

Probably the funniest post ever on here.
10/10 Tommy

[Bentley Bullet]

"Probably the funniest post ever on here"
Said the Spanish Troll, most insincere
Even Tommy Toes knows
When people like him, brown nose
They're just talking b*llocks, like Keir

[SydneyRover]

"Probably the funniest post ever on here"
Said the Spanish Troll, most insincere
Even Tommy Toes knows
When people like him, brown nose
They're just talking b*llocks, like Keir

try not to let it show, aye?

[tommy toes]

Cheers IR, but try not to upset BB as he knows he’s the funniest, most honest and truthful, self aware poster on here

[Bentley Bullet]

Cheers IR, but try not to upset BB as he knows he’s the funniest, most honest and truthful, self aware poster on here

Well, I can't argue with that, Tommy lad!

[belton rover]

On a league two footballing forum
There’s a definite lack of decorum
Some think they are right
Despite spouting shite
Not me though, ‘cause I’m bloody awesome

[Dutch Uncle]

There was a young CM called Crew
At the Mornflake he scored quite a few
It caused a to do
When the scoreline came through
For it read Crewe one and Crew two

 

Edit: (For BB) - as can be seen this was written in the middle of the night .............'dead vivid it was' 

Let's hope 

[Reg of the Rovers]

A keeper, called Ted Sharman-Lowe
After five pennos, thought 'here, I know'
This Hull player's shite,
I'll dive to his right
And out the FA Cup they will go

[Usher wide.]

OK, not original, but one of my faves.

There once was a girl from Morton

Who had a long tit and a short'un

To make up for the loss

She could p*ss like a hoss

And fart like a 650 Norton

Not an original Limerick at all

As your op suggested the call

Perhaps you were flustered

By Pancho’s retort (keen as mustard)

To your OP you’re now clearly flustered.




As an aside, I found ‘your fave’ not only lacking any sort of wit but actually adolescent like in its repugnance.

[Bentley Bullet]

"Get rid of the liars," they said
And vote for Keir Starmer instead
It didn't take long
To find out just how wrong
They were to vote for a total d**khead.

[Usher wide.]

When the country was run (down) by the Tories

One would get the usual stories

With Cummings in Barnard Castle

“Sod COBRA” said Boris too much hassle

Thousands dying with Covid “They should have done what I did”

“Go private, the NHS hasn’t the funds to cure rabies!”.

[scawsby steve]

OK, not original, but one of my faves.

There once was a girl from Morton

Who had a long tit and a short'un

To make up for the loss

She could p*ss like a hoss

And fart like a 650 Norton

Not an original Limerick at all

As your op suggested the call

Perhaps you were flustered

By Pancho’s retort (keen as mustard)

To your OP you’re now clearly flustered.




As an aside, I found ‘your fave’ not only lacking any sort of wit but actually adolescent like in its repugnance.

Maybe lacking in wit, but perfect in syllable beat, which your limerick attempt was not. In fact, it was way out.

Try something else. You're out of your depth with limericks.

[belton rover]

4th round games, they can be a great payer
With a chance to be the giant slayer
I thought we would be
The big game on TV
But no, we’re on chuffing I Player

[Usher wide.]

OK, not original, but one of my faves.

There once was a girl from Morton

Who had a long tit and a short'un

To make up for the loss

She could p*ss like a hoss

And fart like a 650 Norton

Not an original Limerick at all

As your op suggested the call

Perhaps you were flustered

By Pancho’s retort (keen as mustard)

To your OP you’re now clearly flustered.




As an aside, I found ‘your fave’ not only lacking any sort of wit but actually adolescent like in its repugnance.

Maybe lacking in wit, but perfect in syllable beat, which your limerick attempt was not. In fact, it was way out.

Try something else. You're out of your depth with limericks.

Here’s one right up your street that you’ll be able to share with friends & family.

There was a young woman from Ealing

Who had a peculiar feeling

She laid on her back

Then opened her crack

And pissed all over the ceiling.


I’ll gift that one to your collection.