Re: The Amazing Fact Chain Letter

[BobG]

A very respectable and neccesary profession!

Next: wind up merchants

BobG

[Mike_F]

Back in the halcyon days of the British Empire when the East India Company were shipping tea and nutmeg half way round the world so the landed gentry could show off to their dinner guests, the clippers used for transporting such luxuries were also known as "merchants".

It happened upon a chilly October evening in 1879, Lord Richardson of the East Riding received a knock at his door. Having dispatched his manservant, Weaver for the evening, he appeared in person, shotgun hanging casually over the arm of his smoking jacket.

On the doorstep was a spiv by the name of Horace Jenkins, brother of erstwhile Doncastrian association football enthusiast, Albert.

Horace was flogging what he claimed to be premium imported nutmegs a full two days before the ships were due to land at Hull docks. His explanation for being early with the goods was that there had been favourable trade winds. "Wind up' merchants, your Lordship".

Lord Richardson, eager to corner the market bought the lot. It wasn't until Jenkins had slipped away into the night that Richardson realised he'd paid top money for a load of fake nutmegs made out of wood which he promptly threw on the fire.

The Richardsons held a grudge against the Jenkins family and vowed to ruin Albert's football club one day.

Next: Prince Moncrieff

[Filo]

Prince Moncrieff was the brother of famouse horse racing tipster Prince Monolulu

Next: ITV 7

[donnyallday]

ITV7 is the 7th anniversary of the international Tourettes venue which is held in Cudworth s.yorks annually.

Here locals gather together namely father daughter  etc to shout  unpleasant things such as f**k my bum.

 next   parkinson

[RobTheRover]

Parkinson's Disease is a very debilitating condition that afflicts people from Barnsley into believing they are able to host TV chat shows. It also acts as an attractant for large birds like Emus.

Next : Rod Hull

[River Don]

Rod Hull, is a famous old business from the city of Kingston Upon Hull who specialise in Drainage and Sewer cleaning services. They are well known for their Radio advertising and their jingle "If your drains are full then call Rod Hull.

Next: Keith Harris

[RobTheRover]

Keith Harris is the less famous brother of Richard, Calvin and Rolf. He served 12 months in HMP Hull after turning up on Britain's got Talent with his hand inserted in a duck. Incidentally, David Walliams gave him a yes through to the next round. 

Next : Plum Sauce.

[IDM]

Plum sauce is a euphamism for, well, I needn't explain, needn't I?

Next: Period Drama

[RedJ]

Period drama. A common get out of jail card for any woman on the planet for around 30 years of their life.

Next: The Chuckle Brothers

[IDM]

The Chuckle Brothers exist solely to remind the rest of the world that it is perfectly OK to laugh at Rotherham, despite not being particularly funny themsleves.

Next: Independence Day

[donnyallday]

Independence day is when a man finally wakes up and leaves his chain and ball women for good.

He rents his man cave and spends his hard earned on beer, loose pussy and Rovers.

Boys holidays to ibiza  are back on the agenda.

Next... The Good life.

[tommy toes]

The Good Life was TV's first sitcom about swinging. It concerned two couples who lived next door to each other and we're constantly nipping over the fence for steamy sessions with the other's spouse.
It only lasted for two episodes as Richard Briers couldn't summon up any passion for Penelope Keith, no matter how hard he tried.
Next: Ever Decreasing  Circles

[IDM]

"Ever decreasing circles" accurately describes the reach of Paul Dickov's so called "contacts" within football.

Next:  where there's muck

[tommy toes]

'Where There's Muck' was Ken Loach's follow up to Kes.
Set in and around Brodsworth pit, it starred Duggie Brown who combined face working with embroidery and followed his making of the Brodsworth Tapestry and his battle with Under Manager Oldroyd, played by Brian Glover, who regularly caught Duggie sewing instead of hewing.
A disaster at the box office, Duggie never acted again and was soon back doing a turn at Skellow Grange.
Next: How green was my valley

[River Don]

How Green was my valley,

A government sponsored campaign against STDs, no lady wants a green valley and the government of John Major was determined to limit the spread of this contagious fungal infection.

Next: Ken Dodd.

[BillyStubbsTears]

Kendo Odd was the stranger alter ego of Kendo Nagasaki.

When the market for wrestling with Diddy Men down a Jam Butty mine, whilst wearing a grotesque mask dried up, he reinvented himself once again as a no-holds-barred wrestler with a unique way of getting out of apparently impossible holds, Kendo Nackersucker.

Next: Satsumas and Poppers.

[IDM]

Satsumas and Poppers were all that MPs of a certain persuasion needed in order to party on Hampstead Heath.

Next:  Lazy teenagers

[RobTheRover]

The Lazy Teenager was a small lift used in gentrified houses for transporting meals up to the dining room from the kitchen.  Unlike the similar Lazy Susan, which could be operated 24 hours a day, the Lazy Teenager would only rise after 1pm each day.

Next : Susan Boyle

[River Don]

Susan Boyle is the worlds greatest soprano voice, regularly appearing at La Scala, Milano.

Next: Luciano Pavarotti

[tommy toes]

Pavarotti along with Colin 'fingers' Henry and David Copperfield were a musical comedy act that toured locally. They charged 30 quid a turn so called themselves The Three Tenners.
Next: Lenny Henry

[RedJ]

Lenny Henry is the lesser known brother of former Arsenal striker Thierry. Sometimes found talking to himself in hotel beds across the nation.

Next: fingerless gloves

[donnyallday]

Grimethorpe Police have seen a drastic fall in crime, washing lines, coal houses and pet Kestrels are all safe now.
These culprits are safely behind bars now, this is due to a large family all sharing fingerless gloves, not realising the difference said a  constable.

Next Old Bill

[RobTheRover]

The Old Bill is also known as Saturday Santa.

Next : Darren Ferguson

[donnyallday]

Darren Ferguson is the great grandchild of Massey Ferguson the Tractor makers.

Now Massey was a Sheffield Wednesday supporter who used to donate a couple of assorted shades of blue paint to tart it up each decade.

In return the club used to return the favour everytime  Massey brought out a new prototype Tractor.
They allowed him to try it out on the swillsboro pitch which was ideal due to its heavy water and shyte contents its held for many a year, so  it was a win win situation for both partys .


Next    Mud pies

[RobTheRover]

Mud Pies were launched in the mid-70's when the popular drainpipe-wearing pop beat combo decided to branch out into branded foodstuffs.  Each top 10 single release was greeted with a new flavour of pie, hand chosen by frontman Les Gray.  The decision to make a pie to mark the release of their single "Tiger Feet" which contained real tiger feet was roundly criticised and led to a number of boycotts of the band's concerts, and within a year of losing the support of their fans over an ill-advised pie filling choice, the band decided to split up.  Les later went to work for the R&D department of Walkers Crisps, and was responsible for the introduction of Hedgehog and Baked Cheese flavours being introduced.

Next : Swap Shop

[tommy toes]

Swap Shop is a new strategy by Doncaster Council to regenerate the Town Centre.
Every night retailers will swop shops with each other to freshen things up and give shoppers a new perspective on this beautiful town.
The Manager of Boots commented 'This is a bloody ridiculous idea that will bankrupt us all and on the first night we've got to swop with the Newsagent on Copley Road for God's sake.'
Mayor Rob Jones, who's idea this was countered 'Typical. This is not about Rob Jones, it's about my town here in Doncaster.'
Next: Rob TheRover

[RobTheRover]

I'm dreading this....

[Sandy Lane]

Rob the Rover was the cry heard around old BV when competing teams came into town and wanted to grab a victory and steal some points off Drfc.  They have kept trying over the years, but due to our determination and grit have finally given up!

Next: bound for glory

[RobTheRover]

Bound For Glory is a 1979 film starring Michael Caine, Pele, Sylvester Stallone and Ossie Ardilles.  The plot of the story involves a group of men forced to work in a female-run S&M den who have to win a football match against their cruel captors to secure their freedom.  The film bombed at the box office, but Caine rather cannily bought the rights to the concept and remade it in 1981 as Escape To Victory, replacing the ladies running the S&M den with Nazis.

Next : The Boys from Brazil

[BillyStubbsTears]

The alleged preference of a moustachioed erstwhile Labour Spin Doctor.

Next: Theme for Great Cities